Why does he keep showing up? His name is…


Photo credit: Google

I’ve been sitting on my couch staring out into the wilderness outside imagining what life must’ve been like when Colorado was being explored by pioneers. The trees are slowly and gently changing colors and it’s as if nature is showcasing it’s last scene before the curtain call. The sounds of birds are heard as they chirp happily whilst flying around and dodging the colored leaves that fall to their fate to the splendor of the ground; its final resting place.

I go into the kitchen and make myself a cup of tea and once again curl up on the couch looking outside. It is quiet. Too quiet. My teacup is surrounded by both hands as I blow to cool the steaming tea. Autumn is here once again and I love it. Nothing beats wearing warm fuzzy socks, hair up in a messy bun and curled up on the couch.

I hear a knock on the door. Who could it be? Why now? Do people not ring doorbells anymore? Or call? I’m scared. I don’t like strangers coming to my door. I put my cup of tea down and tip toe to my window. Socks or not, I feel stealth as if a jaguar hunting its prey. I look out my window briefly to see who it is. I quickly retreat back after I see who it is. I release a long sigh. Him again?

I open the door.

“Hey” he says.
“Hey” is all I can reply with a downcast look on my face.
“Can I come in?”
“I guess so. Why are you here? You seem to show up when I really don’t want you to show up. This isn’t a good time.”
“I just came to see how you were doing…”
“You know perfectly well how I’m doing, this is exactly why you’re here. But come on in. Do you want anything to drink?”
“Yeah, sure. Do you have coffee? I like mine black”, he says as he walks around and takes in everything in my home. I’m secretly hoping this isn’t a long visit. I’m already plotting to see how I can get rid of him. He’s annoying af.
“So, where’s your friend? You guys are always hanging out together.”
“Oh him? He almost came, but I felt like I’d come instead…alone.”
“Good”, I replied. His friend is more annoying and both of them together is a nightmare.

Too lazy to really heat up a pot of fresh water, I instead took out a cup from the cupboard and put tap water in it. I put it in the microwave to heat up for 2 minutes. After making small talk with my visitor, I added instant coffee and handed it to him. We both walked to the living room and sat down. He looked across the room at me which felt like forever. I couldn’t tell if he was totally relaxed or just waiting to see what I would say next. I can play that game too.

I look at him for a long time without saying anything. We both know what each other is thinking. I break the silence.

“I’ve been going through a lot. I have a lot on my plate right now. ”

“I know”, he says as he takes a sip of his coffee.

“Wait, are you reading my tweets on Twitter?” I ask innocently. Of course, he’s reading my tweets.

“Ok, ok. You got me. I do read your tweets. That’s why I’m here. To see how you really are. ”

“Well, to be perfectly honest, I have to deal with you. You and I know what’s going on between us. How are we going to deal with this? I told you I don’t want you in my life, but you keep showing up. This month has been bad too. Especially the past 2 weeks. ”

“Geez. What about me don’t you like?”

“Are you serious?”, I sarcastically ask. “I don’t like how you make me feel. You make me feel confused. You’re the reason I stay up late at night. You’re the reason why I want to be left alone to think things over…and over.  There’s going to be a lot of life changes in the coming year and you’re not making it any easier.”

“I know what you need. You need a plan. Maybe that will help?”

“That’s what I’m trying to do now. I’m thinking of my backup plans. With my knee in pain, I’m not sure if my current job is a good fit anymore. Maybe I should stick to an office type of job. I have to start looking for another apt when my lease ends in December. Do I buy a home here in Colorado or move out of State after 4 years?”

“I’m sorry”, he quietly says. “I know I’ve been coming around a lot lately, but this is the first time you’ve let me in to actually talk to you.”

“I just don’t know how to deal with you sometimes. You’ll always be a part of my life and I knew especially this year, you’d come around a lot.”

“Listen, all I can say is ask advice from people who are much older than you. Wiser, if you will. See what they have to say.” He gets up to walk towards the window and stares out into the courtyard taking the last sips of his coffee. After a minute, he turns around and puts his coffee cup down on the table.

“Do you mind if I come back again Thursday?” he softly asks.

“Yeah, I actually do mind. I’ll be busy and I have a doctor’s appointment that day. I really, really don’t want any visitors, especially you. I just want to come home and rest and go from there.” It feels good to say that to him. He’s heard this many times before and sometimes he listens, other times he comes anyways.

I walk him to the door. We don’t hug. There are no cheek kisses either. I feel the chill in the air and admire the blue sky above. He turns around and walks away and disappears around the corner.

His name is “uncertainty”.

He’s not a real person, of course. He’s a feeling. The feeling of uncertainty.

Sometimes we all need to train our minds to keep out negative thoughts or as in this case, we need to deal with it and find out the reason why these feelings come often. To replace or do something that will help with feelings of uncertainty is a process. Everyone wants consistency and when life throws a fast one on you, it can make you feel unbalanced and a bit stressed.

 

Weekly Photo Challenge: Intricate

WeeklyPhotoChallengeJavaGirlsLife2015

I got this Mayan calendar at Old Colorado City. Remember how I wrote the first one crashed the first night I brought it home? Well, this is the second one I bought and it’s been behaving on the wall and not broken into pieces. I like decorating my home with small eclectic things and I found this piece to be one that starts conversations. Or so I hope because the dude sticking out his tongue is just too funny to me because that’s pretty much what I do when I eat asparagus and lima beans!

Happy Valentine’s Day

I love poetry and I enjoy recording them. Of all the poems I have read, I love this one the most because it’s so heart wrenching, yet sentimental and loving. I think at one point I almost shed a tear when I read a certain part of the poem, but you’ll never guess at what part. I suppose I am just a sensitive soul with an innocent view on love or so I have been told recently. Enjoy the poem!

Artist of the month: Gustavo Silva Nunez

If you’ve been following my blog for a long time, you will know that I love blogging about painting and artists. I oil paint on the side for fun and once in a while I’ll write about them. I must note though that I can only oil paint nature and not people or animals. The way I draw people rivals that of a five year old, and the five year old would win hands down in a draw off. So, I will stick to painting snow capped mountains, trees, lakes and modern art.

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I came across this amazing Venezuelan artist, Gustavo Silva Nunez today. When I saw his paintings, I was positive I was looking at a photo. His creations of hyperrealistic paintings are so real you have a to do a double take. This painting below of the woman in the pink bathing suit coming out of the water is my favorite. I could look at this photograph for the longest time. As an artist, you can recreate a person or imagine a place or person in your mind and make them come alive. That’s what I see here. Is she a real person? Is this woman someone from his imagination? Only he knows. It’s almost like his painting is coming to life, being curious and looking at the artist who created her. Truly a spectacular painting and photo.

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More of his paintings.

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So I choose Gustavo Silva Nunez as my artist of the month for his impeccable, brilliant and realistic way of painting people in water. To learn more about Gustavo Silva Nunez, check out his Facebook page.

Gustavo Silva Nunez Facebook

JavaGirl’s Journal: Week 7

Dear Journal,

I’m feeling like Yoda. Two of my best clients are moving across the country and this will be my last week with them. Both of them told me how grateful they are for what they have learned and they feel as though they now have the tools they didn’t have before to go out and make something out of themselves. Upon hearing this, it made me feel good. With my job, I really try hard to teach them not only what I’m suppose to, but other things that were taught to me. I’m very confident about both of them and feel I am able to let them fly to their destiny stronger than when they first came to me. I told both of them they are ready, strong, talented and an inspiration to others (including myself). The world awaits them. Seeing them go and saying goodbye is tough because I’ll miss them. I’m happy and sad. They are my best Jedi students and I’m excited to see what the future brings them. My sadness is temporary, of course, because they plan to come back and visit me. Hopefully, I’ll still be around when they do because I am getting restless and want to conquer other lands and learn new things.


Movies are movies, but some of them do have some cool life advices. Well, except Leo’s character who I am not sure what he was thinking when he was praying at 3:16 minutes of this video.

This made me think of all the Yodas I’ve had in my life. One of my mom’s closest friends is a woman I’ve known for most of my life. I’ve always looked up to her and to this day, she continues to help me be the best I can be as a person. This special woman has given me great advice about life, mind, soul, matters of the heart, parental relationship (with my mom) and shown such kindness to my mom and I. I consider her my second mom, actually. I don’t love her more than my mom, but she is just as important to me. She is my Yoda and I feel I can go to her and tell her anything or if I need advice, she will give me her honest opinion. She reminds me a lot of Mrs. Huxtable from The Cosby Show, one of my favorite family shows ever. She is just such a smart woman, regal, funny, sweet and a very wise person. I am her life student and I’m still learning. Each year brings new challenges and it’s great to know how to handle them, even the ones I’m scared to experience in the future; they are inevitable. There are days when I think, “Oh wow. This one is hard to go through. I can’t do it. I can’t.” Then she or my mom will say, “Yes, you can!”. I always come through it, somehow. Such is life. Does that mean I’ve mastered it? Some things in life are practice for the real deal. I think mastering how you handle a situation shows how you develop as a person. If you seem to have the same reaction every single time the exact thing happens, then you are not learning. I’ve had to get a taste of this this week with my car problems. Without my mom’s help, I’d feel at lost. I’m still learning how to deal with car problems on my own, figuring out transportation if needed to get to work, paying for the transmission etc. It’s not fun-at all. It’s a learning process. It’s not like I have to master and be some black belt in car problems, but I know how or who to talk to now if it happens again in the far, far future. Of course, gaining perspective and advice from fellow bloggers is always incredibly sweet and kind.

Mom is out and about this afternoon and won’t be back until late tonight. She is 72 years old and has more of a social life than I do, go figure! I am relaxing at her house because I took a day off from work (Friday) as a vacation to get my car diagnosed. I need a transmission. Major car surgery ya’ll. Anyways, I’m taking a quick break from cleaning her house which is going quick because I’m listening to my handy dandy little ipod. Mom can’t walk like she used to, so I’m doing a lot of things she can’t do herself. I’m also getting hungry. I’m all over the place with this paragraph.

National and International News: The Royal baby is due any day now, so excited! Oh, the heat! Other than that, there wasn’t much else that really caught my attention this week regarding news.

Song of the week: “Smooth” by Rob Thomas. Love how he refers his wife as a “Spanish Harlem Mona Lisa”. I’ve always wanted to be called a Mona Lisa of sorts. Just the name inspires artists, photographers, poets, writers etc. I believe Rob wrote this song for his wife; I’m sure she inspires him everyday.

I’ve been TAGGED! ;)

Hey guys!

Kim, my darling friend who I absolutely adore, tagged me tonight. Thanks Kim and if you could, please head over to her page and check her out. Her blog can be found here Kim’s WP page.  Kim is a talented writer, fun, a great friend and will entertain you with her blogs.

RULES OF THE GAME:

1. Post these rules.

2. Post a photo of yourself and eleven random facts about you.

3. Answer the questions given to you in the tagger’s post.

4. Create eleven new questions and tag new people to answer them.

5. Go to their blog/twitter and let them know they have been tagged.

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Post a picture of myself. Lol. Ok, sure. I don’t think most of you have seen this picture, but here it is anyways.

Me :P

11 Random facts about me:

1. I love racketball! I’m up for a game with anyone! Watch out because I’m very competitive!

2. I’ve been interiewed once on tv, been in the background for two tv commercials in Brazil,  featured and interviewed for two magazines as a child.

3. I’ve ridden up and down the sandy dunes in Brazil in those cool dune buggies real fast! Talk about fun!

4. I’ve swam with piranhas (and lived to tell about it!) one year in the Amazon river. Ok. Maybe they were vegetarians, but they were piranhas.

5. I use to have a parrot called “Balta” in Brazil who had the coolest personality. Watching parrots walk is the funniest thing to me!

6. I’ve been invited to visit Costa Rica by my mom’s friend in the near future. While there, I want to zipline through the jungle!

7. My mom use to own a monkey and that monkey hated me! That’s why I hate those flying monkeys from The Wizard of Oz!

8. Never in my life did I think I’d like a zombie tv show, but I do now after watching The Walking Dead!

9. I’ve driven three times in New York City. Yeah, I know. Crazy. The taxi cabs were within inches of my car.

10. Ive always wanted a song written for me. I think that would be so sweet.

11. A secret desire of mine is to ride an elephant. Who is with me? Come on then! 🙂

Kim had certain questions she wanted answered, so her wish is my command! Here we go!

1) Cookies or Cakes?

Me: Cake!

2) What was your first Blu-ray or DVD you ever purchased?

Me: I was late in the game to own a DVD, but I believe the first one I ever purchased was “Big Fish” which to this day is one of my favorite movies ever.

3) Whats the most inspiring book/movie you’ve ever read/seen?

Me: Wow. That’s a very tough one to answer. The one which stands out to me is “The Mission” because it was the first dramatic movie I saw as a child and the music to it just haunts my mind.

4) Cats or Dogs? Or other pets?

Me: I’m allergic to cats and some dogs now, but I like them. I prefer dogs.

5) What type of music do you like?

Me: I like all kinds of music, but my first love will always be classical music. I am always listening to my ipod which has music from Mozart, contemporary vintage music from the 1940’s, international New Age, Bossa Nova and other genres to name a few.

6) Whats your favorite Grimm’s Fairy Tales?

Me: Cinderella. I “met” her in Disney when I was 5 years old. Nice lady! LOL.

7) Console, Handheld, PC or Arcades?

Me: PC.

8) Favorite flavor of chips?

Me: I rarely eat chips, but if I had to, I’d choose Doritos!

9) What animal do you visit first at the zoo?

Me: I don’t know. I suppose the animals closest to me when I enter the zoo? Lol. If I was forced to choose to see an animal, I’d have to say I’d want to see the tigers first.

10) What food could you eat every single day?

Me: There is this type of steak that is made in Brazil called “bifes” which I love! I could eat that every single day with rice and beans.

11) Who is your favorite superhero?

Me: Spiderman!

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My questions to my lucky victims, people who volunteered to answer these questions, unsuspecting bloggers some of my fellow bloggers are these:

1. What is the best blogging advice you ever got?

2. If surrounded by vicious animals in the jungle, what super power would you use to defend yourself?

3. If you won 100 million dollars, what charity would you donate to?

4. Who was your mentor growing up and why?

5. What other country would you have wanted to be born in?

6. What news story really impacted you from last year?

7. Say you are a super hero of your choice, what favorite villain would you like to go up against? (Me: Godzilla!)

8. Name a random act of kindness you did for someone the past month.

9. Name an invention you wished you invented.

10. If you were forced to live in any movie, which one would it be and why?

11. Tree house or hut to live in?

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I am tagging the following people who are all my blogging buddies. I have a lot of favorite bloggers, but I’m choosing these people because either they stopped by a lot and commented/responded to my comments or they just seem to be the type of people who would answer these crazy questions. No pressure here. I just want to read your answers! If you can’t do it, that’s fine too. If you don’t want to post your answers on your blog,  feel free to send your answers to my email at cas7401@gmail.com.  Don’t be shy! I’m sure your subscribers would love to get to know you better too! If you don’t see your name in this blog, believe me, you’ll probably be appearing soon in another blog I plan to write up soon for awards.

Michelle’s Blog

aFrankangle

Shane’s Blog

Jan’s Blog

Alk3r

Josiah’s Blog

Wesley’s Blog

Carolyn’s Blog

Maxima’s Blog

thelostkerryman

Antheminambience’s Blog

Good luck and have fun!

What I think of my blog subscribers

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Thanks for subscribing and reading my writings. Of all the bloggers in the world, you chose to follow me. I can’t thank you enough. I’ll be getting back into the swing of things of writing more and sharing my opinions of film and other random things. Thanks for your patience and also thanks for the bloggers who I subscribe to who have been writing very inspiration blogs lately! When I say that, I’m talking about the pictures you take that are so beautiful, your personal thoughts about love and life, funny pictures and informative articles about the world. I do read them and I DO read your “About” page whether you have one or not. Lol.

If you’re learning English, don’t read this!

Ok. I’m kidding. Well sort of. For those of us, such as myself, whose first language is not English this would be a very confusing thing. When I was 3 years old, I already knew and spoke three languages being Kayapo, Portuguese and English. English was my last language to learn and I speak it perfectly without a trace of an accent (I have some Vimeo videos on this WordPress blog where you can hear me talk-I believe it’s a blog called “Let’s Watch a Sunset together”). I spoke Portuguese better when I was living in Brazil, but I now speak it with a slight accent that Brazilians either think I come from Southern Brazil (I’m from Northern Brazil) or a foreigner. Even in Brazil, there are many regional accents like we do here in the USA. The purest Brazilian Portuguese dialect comes from the Northern State of Para where moi comes from. You should see the look on their faces when I say I was born in Brazil because then I see the weird look on their face as if they are thinking “Then why do you have a Portuguese accent?”. Kayapo is my native language as I learned that first and spoke it fluently, but I only know two words now. Anyways, when I was learning English I wasn’t aware of all these fun English sayings that seem to contradict themselves. For someone much older and learning English for the first time, you can totally understand why they would be so confused to why we say one thing when we mean another that sounds opposite. If you know of any other confusing phrases, please write them below. Even now, living here permanently since 1993, I still don’t know all the traditional sayings, but I am also aware of the prodding head of another lingo which I have to look up every so often known in the Urban Dictionary and now deciphering the text message abbreviations! For the longest time, I had no idea what “Natch” meant whenever I would read it in magazines or when my coworkers would say, “Oh we’ll put it in the kitty” (funds for something in the future) which I assumed was some type of savings, but saying it was a “kitty” was beyond my understanding as I understood it to be a mammal. Gotta love the English language! Hope everyone is having a fabulous Cinco de Mayo today! I also hear tonight the moon will be 16% larger than usual. If it’s not cloudy, check it out.

xoxo