How To Discuss a Hard Topic with your Partner

Hey guys!

Tis, I. I have returned. I see I have some new subscribers and it makes me happy. So thank you & welcome!

I’m sure you have seen the video of Gabby Petito and her fiance when they were stopped by the police officer. In the video, Gabby is seen visibly upset when speaking to the officer because she and her fiance had been “fighting” all morning. The officer first made sure the environment was safe for him & for her. He told her to step out of the car and speak to him alone & away from her fiance. This was a smart move and I’ll explain why.

If a hard topic is to be brought up between two people in a relationship and you both know it could turn heated, then the first thing you need to do is:

REGULATE YOUR BODY

Gabby was away and began to speak to the officer. From the video, you can see Gabby start to regulate her body as I am sure her heartrate was up and body tense from arguing. The officer offered her to sit in his car so she could cool off, “relax a little bit”. Basically, he was helping her regulate her body. Obviously, starting a hard topic in the middle of jogging or doing strenuous work, is not the smartest move when beginning a hard topic with your significant other. Your body is already working overdrive and your thoughts won’t be as clear. Make sure your significant other is already calm and relaxed. Of course, make sure you are as well. If you need to take 10 deep breathes (4 seconds in, 4 seconds out), just do it. Even if it’s in front of your partner. You can do them together.

ADDRESS THE IMPORTANCE OF THE RELATIONSHIP

Even though the officer & Gabby were strangers, he acknowledged her interests and made her feel good and important. In the police body cam you can hear Gabby state she wanted to start a YouTube channel and start blogging. Being a blogger myself for many years, I can understand her excitement to want to speak to the world of her thoughts on a blogging platform and connect with strangers from all over the world. Unfortunately, Gabby stated that her fiance was not supportive of her dream to become a Youtuber or blogger. He was not addressing the importance of her nor of her future dreams. The officer readily told Gabby that she was not in trouble and was not getting arrested. This is very important too when beginning discussing a hard topic. Addressing the importance of the relationship is vital as it makes the other person feel important and not attacked and get in defense mode. This gives the person the feeling of being safe around you & that you are working as team to discuss the hard topic. The officer did this by reinforcing that Gabby was safe (at that moment) and she was not in trouble. He wanted her to know they were a team working together to resolve this problem she and her fiance were facing at that moment. This should not feel like a boxing match where both people are on opposite sides. Hard topics can be cheating, divorce, telling someone their loved one passed away etc.

DISCUSS SAFELY

This can mean 2 things. Never discuss hard topics in an environment that could turn deadly such as kitchen, on a bridge or near a waterfall. You get the picture. I am not saying get in a padded room, but going somewhere quiet and far from anything that can be used against you if it does get out of control is important. Using words that conjure up negativity will only bring on the defense mode especially for topics about cheating & divorce or even each other’s mother-in-laws. Begin with words like “I” and “This is how I’m feeling about this…”. Validate their feelings, which may be very hard if you are discussing how you caught them cheating on you. Remember, this may sound almost unreal and probably level of impossibility, but it’s just a general way of making sure you and they are in a safe environment with little (if you can help it) to no blame with words.

Healthy problem solving takes practice and not everyone goes into a new relationship with that mindset. Some may come into a new relationship from an abusive relationship and have no idea how to problem solve with you on your first fight as a couple. The good thing is that anyone can learn to problem solve as team and do it in a healthy way;

What inspired me to write this particular topic was because of how Gabby and her fiance could have learned this approach to fighting or arguing and not have gotten into what ended in tragedy. Relationships are not perfect nor should they. But learning to understand each other before a hard topic can create a lower outcome of a very negative situation for both parties.

Until next time my loves. Take care of yourselves and each other, especially when it comes to discussing hard topics. RIP Gabby.

Much love.

x

What kind of person are you attracting?

Hey everyone!

How’s everyone been? So yesterday I was going through my feed on YouTube of recommended videos and I came across something that really opened my eyes.

I usually don’t watch dating videos, but I thought, why not?

I was pleasantly surprised of what I discovered! It now all makes sense why certain past relationships ended badly and others ended amicably. You will discover that there are woundmates & soulmates that you will encounter in life. I must admit, after watching this video, I was a woundmate. I also had relationships with guys who were woundmates as well, which now makes total sense of why it was just drama with them. My last real relationship was 5 years ago, that’s when we broke up on May 2014. We had a 5 year long distance relationship. He was a woundmate and I was in the process of becoming my own soulmate.

I’m now my own soulmate and I now completely understand the differences of wanting to be with someone and the need to be with someone. Once you feel whole within yourself, it becomes easier to choose others who are whole themselves and avoid a disastrous relationship. The older you get, you just want to be happy with yourself, your partner and in general. You don’t want to deal with drama. Relationships aren’t perfect, but this does give a clearer understanding of how to identify a woundmate and why things are going the way they are in your relationship or marriage.

This also will make it quite clear why your partner and yourself are having the easiest relationship you’ve ever had and why the communication is better than you’ve had with anyone else. Congratulations, you’ve met another soulmate.

Here I am summarizing what I learned from the video.

Here is the video explaining in detail the difference between a woundmate & a soulmate.

Credit: Mark Rosenfeld

The Other Prince William: A Love Story

Yesterday I watched this beautiful yet tragic love story between a Hungarian woman and a British Prince named Prince William. This is the love story of a namesake of the current Prince William of England. I never heard about this story and found it so sad, beautiful, romantic and tragic. Interestingly enough, the woman in the video currently lives here in Colorado. I found this similar to the movie “Titanic” where the woman at end has a necklace, but as you’ll see, the woman in this video has a lasting memory of her prince with something else.

There are love stories and there are love stories that are simply so beautiful you wouldn’t believe they actually existed. This is one of them. I hope one day I’ll finally have my fairytale ending.

Video Credit: Timeline-World History Documentaries

I Hate Valentine’s Day (2009) Movie Review

movieposter

Cast: Nia Vardalos as Genevieve Gernier and John Corbett as Greg Gatlin. Yes, there were many other characters, but the website I went to only had these two names.

MOVIE TRAILER

Pros: For romantic comedies, I’ve always enjoyed watching couples who have starred together in other movies (Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks). This is one of them. Nia Vardalos and John Corbett have an easy going and natural chemistry onscreen that makes you laugh and relate to them without any effort. The story is fun, light hearted, funny and the characters have a great comedic timing (which is essential in any romantic comedies). Comedic timing not only in physical aspects, but in dialogue takes practice and necessary for the scene to work. The fact that this movie takes place in New York City (Brooklyn) around a flower shop is right up my alley. In fact, any movie that takes place near a flower shop or book store has my attention immediately. The audio is clear throughout the movie which is always a plus. Other than those mentioned above, this was a great movie to watch.

Cons: I did not notice any cons with this movie.

Cinematography: Brian Pryzpek was the Director of Photography. Simple pans and colorful elements were positively structured throughout the movie.

Music score: The music score of different artists were nicely sewn into scenes without taking away from the characters important dialogue. The usual and quick melody to make a scene funnier was nicely put. I call these quick melodies “tip toe music” because of the simple note sounds.

Favorite quotes:

Sorry, I didn’t read your instruction manual.”

You act like you live in the opening credits of some French film, you control everything so it doesn’t turn into something real.”

I like French films.”

Well, they’re not real, just like you!”

Audience reaction: I laughed several times the first time I saw this a few months ago. I quickly rewatched it tonight and still laughed. A good, simple and light hearted movie for any romantic at heart movie viewer.

Relatebility: I think most girls in their life time go through a phase where they think they are unstoppable and in control of their emotions at all times. No man can break their heart or sweep them off their feet. Until that one special guy comes along and breaks even the most stubborn bachelorette. The girl then thinks, “What? What is happening? I’m not in control of my emotions anymore! This is insanity!” So, they either fight it or just melt like butter under the guy’s spell. Like I said earlier, this is a cute movie and despite the title of the movie, a sweet movie to watch with your sweetheart today. Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

Do you have a secret admirer?

Just so you know, the girl’s phone is on the left and the guy’s phone is on the right. This is their point of view as they look down on their phones. I always thought this was a cute video and thought I’d post it. I know I use to do this exact thing when I liked a guy. In this case, both of them like each other but are too scared to admit it! Ha! In the first year of college, I liked this guy named Pete. It took me three months just to say a simple hello to him because I was incredibly nervous just being around him. But I’ve learned, it’s better to just blurt out that you like someone instead of playing mind games, right? Or better yet, it’s always nice when the guy says it first…

I am incredibly tired. I’m going to bed early tonight, so talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight! xoxo

Cilantro, I love you!

Hey. The above is what I had for dinner tonight. My mom came over so I made a little special dinner. I made pork chops, mashed potatoes and some vegetables. I’m crazy about these frozen vegetables that I can heat up and add some olive oil to it. My mom is an expert in making a cilanto sauce which we put on top of the porkchops. Mmm! You have to understand that Cilantro and I have a special bond. It’s true. Don’t laugh! In Brazil, the Brazilians use cilantro in the most common Brazilian food. I grew up with it in my food, so the mere smell and taste of it takes me back to my hometown and all the good memories that go with it. Without the Cilantro in it, it would’ve been just another good dinner, but with the Cilantro sauce, it made the dinner absolutely heavenly.