Goodbye 2018!

Here’s to all of you who fought the good fight in 2018, didn’t give up and came out victorious! Gather around guys.

Hey, hey my friends!

I’m sitting here on a Sunday night, listening to “live” music on YouTube of Bossa Nova Jazz because it make me feel like a grown up. Just kidding. I love jazz and especially Bossa Nova because your girl is a true Brazilian girl. Anyways, so I decided to give my two cents of my humble thoughts of this year and how it impacted me and how it will impact going into 2019.

I didn’t write too much this year because I had a lot going on and I’m still without a good video software that I like to edit any videos. I love making videos to post on my blog and also my job took a lot of my time, especially after I came home. Towards the end of the day, I basically konked out on my bed and fell asleep after making dinner. I just could not devote enough time to this blog. I felt bad, but I still love ya WordPress. You’re my first love.

So if you have read my blogs this year, you’ll know I had to deal with some serious issues like going to New Jersey to testify for a crime committed on me many years ago. It was a cold case that was reopened and I was the main witness. Emotionally, this year, at least the beginning was mostly me prepping emotionally to do something very hard and come face to face in court with this perpetrator. My emotions were mixed. I survived the ordeal and discovered I am a strong person and that I don’t give myself a lot of credit for a lot of things. I have confidence, it’s just giving myself due credit where it should be given. I don’t know if self-worth goes hand in hand with it.

I was able to continue going to work and doing well at it. In fact, I got “EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH” this past September. I felt honored and appreciated. My supervisor is amazing and has really been the kindness boss I’ve ever had. I’m really going to miss her.

But unfortunately, my knee issues was getting worse. I was getting injections in my lower back to help relieve some of the pain and numbness, but it only helped for a few days. Then I got an injection in my knee and it only helped for a week. This is only being done until I get to see a Orthopedist in a few months who will then actually “fix’ my knee issue. The pain management is all just basically a “band-aid” to help with the pain. I had to leave my job due to it affecting my driving and my job being 90 percent driving. My boss and friends all told me to just take care of my knee issue and make it a priority. It has been difficult since I’m an extremely independent and carefree person who is used to just getting up and going somewhere at free will. Now, it’s been harder. But it is what it is. I must relax my knee and stay put. Through all this, I’ve done my best to stay positive and see the brighter things about it. Which, I must admit has been very hard. Some days it’s very hard to walk because every step is painful when I put pressure on my knee as I walk. the waiting game is hard. I’m a bit impatient because it’s like I have things to do, places to see and places to explore, so this has been a bit of a damper to my spirit. I do have help and I’m glad I have friends who have come to my rescue.

I got a bit of a shock in early November. Initially, I had gotten a letter in August stating the perpetrator was going to stay in jail until next year and I was so relieved. However, due to him being in jail during the investigation and trial for two years, he maxed out. I got a letter stating he was coming out Dec. 4th. I was devastated and scared. I was mad and confused as to how he was able to come out a lot earlier. I focused on mostly my knee issues and I forgot to be scared like I had been thinking he’d try to hunt me down and do something, especially now where I feel so vulnerable and like a sitting duck. It’s the end of the year and nothing has happened and I’m safe. I will, however, buy one of those doorbell cameras that detects motion whenever someone comes near your door. It alerts your phone and you can see who is at your door or who was at your door when you’re not at home. I’m trying to not focus on my fears of what may happen and live my life and not have him on my mind. I hate living in fear and knowing he’s out can cause that. As it would any victim.

Not much else happened.

For the next year, 2019, I will be healing myself physically. This year was healing my mind, my emotions due to having to remember the past and telling complete strangers about it in court. It’s easy for me to write things such as my blog to you all because you’re part of my blogging journey, but to sit up there and tell very hurtful details of the crime to the jury was hard and opening up about such things was hard. I’m going to work on not worrying so much about the future.

This year I want to connect with a painter I admire. Not in a romantic way, but in a way saying how much I admire his artwork and ask if we could become bestfriends tell him about my life in Brazil. i just think it’s pretty unique he comes from a completely different world from mine and we are so opposite in our childhood upbringing, but we still have a lot in common with art, interest in nature and space. It’s like meeting your favorite author, or singer…. mine just happens to be a painter living in France out in the country. I think a nice letter, some photographs I’ve taken of Colorado and a Colorado shirt would make a nice gift to send him. I should throw in some Rocky Mountain Chocolates. I’ll keep you guys updated on this. I could also just say hello on messenger since he is on my friends list on his personal FB page. He has a public FB too, but I am one of the few on his personal FB page. I’m old fashioned, so a nice letter and a package will suffice for now. When a blogger connects with her favorite artist in France. Sounds like an adventure even Carrie Bradshaw (from Sex in the City) would want to read about.

I’m feeling positive of the next year. I truly am. My son will be going to college in 2020 instead of 2019, so he’ll be still around to help me out and go on adventures with me. He’ll also be driving in a few months, so that makes me anxious, but I trust him. I know he’ll be a great driver. The thought of how much longer we’ll stay in Colorado continues to haunt me. I love upstate New York and would readily retire there, but who knows. Life has a funny way of changing things around. A few days ago, I asked my son, “What would you think if we just moved to China for a year or six months while I taught English as a second language?”. He just smiled and nodded. I’ve always wanted my son to live overseas to experience life, but he’s already been to 6 different countries, so he has some handle of what life is like in other countries.

Thank you for sticking by me this year. Thank you and welcome to my new subscribers! At one point, I thought this will be my final and last blog ever on WordPress, but not this year. I’m not finished yet. Maybe I never will. I’ll be home warm and watching the ball drop in New York City on tv as my son will be with his friends watching fireworks here. What are your plans?

This has gotten too long, but that’s just an update. Here’s to the New Year folks. I’ll do my best to write more and post blogs of weird and strange places like I used to. See you next year!!

xoxo

JavaGirl’s Journal Week 18: Consistency

Dear Journal,

This past week was good and a lot of things got done at work. I’m really starting to like the whole new team we have at work. For once, everyone gets along and talks to each other, there is no sense of leaving someone out. I don’t really feel there is a “club” like there has been in the past years with other staff members. It’s a nice feeling and one I’ve wished for a long time when I worked with a team 5 years ago that was excellent. My amazing coworker helped me again today with some things with some giggles and lots of smiles. It’s nice to have someone else at the office who smiles other than myself. I like putting people at ease when I talk to them, even if I am not feeling well, so I always smile at them so they feel ok around me. A lot of my smiling and friendliness comes from growing up in my country where I never met a shy Brazilian. Hot sun, amazing beaches, fresh shrimp and tropical juice drinks by the cabana…what isn’t there to smile about? Life was good.

With my job, I’ve gotten quite used to clients giving up because others have given up on them or they have given up on themselves. As my job, we have to remain constant (with ourselves and professionally) with our clients and reassure them we’ll always be there for them. I think what happened today was that this person has had people give up on her in the past, so she was shocked I wasn’t walking away from her too. That isn’t the purpose of my job. I’m suppose to help her and I want to help her. It’s a great feeling to give that person the feeling of consistency, especially when so many people in the past have given up on them. Reliability and consistency are things that are quickly becoming extinct in society. If someone has at least one person they know that will not go away or give up on them, then it does make a difference. I love it when my friends tell me, “Hey, I’m not going anywhere” and they actually mean it years later.

One of my all time favorite songs by one of my favorite bands, KEANE.

Video credit: KeaneVevo

JavaGirl’s Journal: Week 17 Must. Continue. Fighting. The. Battle.

JavaGirlsLifeBlog2013journal4
This picture was taken this summer at a local park.

Dear Journal,

I can’t keep up with my weeks. All I know is that this past week was brutal physically for me. After getting a little cold, I was ambushed out of nowhere by an unforgivable stomach virus that just put my body at its mercy. Who knew such a tiny microscopic thing can have such a powerful effect? To have that much power over another organism and yet be so small and minute. Amazing. I should drink more, as in water. It cleanses the body and freshens up the blood on a daily basis. Monday and Tuesday were the worst days of last week physically and I couldn’t even write up my documents due to nausea and stomach pains. I also had 5 deadlines I had to meet by Friday. It took every ounce of my energy to get motivated to just type when my body was aching and I felt weak. I hate feeling rushed and by Friday I was feeling a bit better, but I had to still push on and finish my deadlines. I did finish them, btw. I didn’t really have a choice either. I always work best under extreme pressure, but it was extra hard last week. I kept thinking of people who kept pushing on even though they felt weak and hopeless of movies that I saw. Why I was comparing my current situation to extreme survival movies is beyond me, but I blame it on my fevers. I love how the human spirit prevails and with hope, one is able to push just once more towards their goal of coming out of it. Hope is a huge factor to have. It keeps your inner spirit alive and actually does wonder to the body. Even if in the movies some of the main characters died off (The Way Back), they survived a lot longer with hope if they hadn’t had it before. One can never know how much hope can take them further, if they never have it to begin with. Did that make sense. In my mind it does.

This week I’ve gotten to know three of my coworkers better. All three are new staff members and have to shadow us to learn the ropes. One particular coworker reminds me a lot of a friend who immediately became my best friend after I met her many years ago. We just connected very well, especially after we discussed how respect is vital in friendships and relationships. As I was chatting with her, she said, “You are the friendliest staff member out of everyone. You always come talk to me. ” She later said my outgoing personality brought her out of her shyness. It’s hard to find female friends who are like minded and have similar values these days. When I do find friends like her, whether it’s in real life or from blogging, I value them so much. They have a light, fun, wise and way about them that just brings out the best in me. I think it’s so important to have people who bring out the best in you; their positive attitude enhances your life. Life can become so beautiful with the right friends.

International and National News: Syria is disarming their weapons. The Government shut down. A group of thug motor bike riders surrounded a man and his family in his SUV which caused the driver of the SUV to be beaten severely. What has happened to taking responsibility in today’s society? It’s the total arrogance that just makes me fume! In other news, people from MIT and Harvard “accidentally” produced a real light saber. Anyone who is a freak Star Wars fan like myself were happy to hear this. Swinging a lit up plastic sword can only go so far in being Star Wars in any way. The Star Wars swords I would kidnap (temporarily) from my guy friends as a child would bend and then I would look like a total Jedi loser.

Video of the Week: I couldn’t stop laughing after I watched this video, I mean the man is fine and so is the goose. Didn’t know a goose could battle with a lighsaber on its head! Then again, that’s what I get at almost 3 AM looking at countless videos worthy of this blog post. I present to you, JEDI GOOSE!!

Video Credit: MMMRCHPCTB

JavaGirl’s Journal: Week 15 Dealing with Bullying

Dear Journal,

Patience. Showing graciousness to those that bug me to death. Patience. I’ve had to bite my tongue so much lately that I’m surprised I even have a tongue as result. Showing grace to people who say ridiculous things or act borderline atrocious and still smiling and saying “thank you” has been my week thus far. There are times I just want to growl like Marge Simpson. Did the world turn a certain degree in angle because people are acting rude lately without any consideration. My tolerance level has been severely tested the past few weeks, but it’s a learning experience that one must go through I suppose. My car tail light was not working and it ended up being an electrical problem. The next day, another driver told me my brake lights were not working. I had to return back (a 45 minute trip) to the auto store to be told to return the following day so the guy who fixed my tail light earlier could fix my brake light. They charged me twice with something, as my bank statement showed me. I didn’t have a phone for two weeks and got a replacement for my Android, but it’s acting crazy and doing things without my consent or knowledge. The ladies at the DMV were being loud and obnoxious as they were doing business with me. They talked so loud I felt like the entire building knew why I was there (renewing my registration). Typical Jersey women. They need to tone it down along with their attitude. Had to bite my tongue once again and smile. They made me feel stupid by what they said.

The past Friday was good though. I had a minor heart attack when my boss-boss said in a scary voice, “I need to see you in my office.”. I followed behind her with the feeling of doom. What did I do now? She does this to me all the time and ends up talking about non-scary things. Anyways, so she sits down in her seat and I find a chair to sit across from her. I saw a fan and attempted to move the chair away from it and the fan just literally fell apart. The fan fell sideways, the blades splattered everywhere, plastic all over the floor and the fan itself came off the stand. I thought, “Omg! I killed it!!” My boss-boss laughed hysterically and didn’t stop for a full 5 minutes. She had tears coming from her eyes. I told her, “I swear. I hardly touched it. It fell on its own! I was just moving the chair to sit in!” She wasn’t having any of it and continued to laugh so hard. I guess I sorta laughed? Still not knowing why I was being called in, I had to be cautious. As long as she was laughing, I suppose I was safe. Anyways, after she caught her breath, she told me the President of the company had been given a certain amount of money to the programs and she and him decided to give me this envelope for being “the most experienced worker”. I wasn’t sure what she meant. I’ve only been there 8 years, but compared to the rest of my coworkers, I was indeed the most experienced worker there. I didn’t realize it was a check with money, I thought it was just an envelope with my paystub. I didn’t realize until later how much it was. The money was over 1,000 dollars! What! I later wrote her a thank you note and she loved it. I was not expecting this and it made my day. Having trouble with my timing belt and transmission really put my monthly budget in a chaotic spin. I was very disappointed I wasn’t able to go to Canada this Fall. I’d still love to go next year. So cross your fingers!

Last Friday I got a call from the Vice Principal of Adventure Boy’s school. AB is a good kid, so I was curious as to why he was calling me. The VP told me that there had been an “incident” where another boy was saying threatening things and harassing AB, calling him names and what he was planning to do to him. There were enough witnesses around to clarify what was being said to AB to make this a serious incident. I won’t say what the other boy said, but it was enough for the school to call the police and have the officer charge the boy. The boy has been suspended and will be taken to court. I remembered AB had told me last Thursday that he had a good day, but the end of the day had been not so good. The things said were hurtful to AB, so AB did not go into depth of what had been said. The crazy things about this was that the teacher asked AB if he wanted to have the teacher “talk” to the boy about this or if the teacher should report it to the office. AB chose the latter and the most severe. I later spoke to the police officer and he even asked me if I wanted to “pursue” what the punishment was for the boy. He said most parents of the victims don’t want to bother the other family (the bully) and drop the case. He personally didn’t feel that way. I said, “Are you kidding me? He’s got to learn the consequences for messing with my son! Yes, pursue what you have to do.” Drop the case? What is that teaching my son? That he can be bullied and that I as a parent won’t stand up for him? I honestly hope the other boy learns his lesson and learns from it. I also hope he grows up to be a decent citizen and won’t try to harm another kid again. One can only hope.

Thank goodness for my tiger personality because I will fight tooth and nail (and I love my nails) to make sure my son is protected. AB is only in 7th grade and he still has High School to go to and we all know what that can be like. This is not the first time I’ve had to deal with children bullying my son. With my job and all the seminars I’ve attended that deal with children with depression, suicides etc, I am very familiar with how those kids end up being the way they are, therefore, I am ultra sensitive to my son’s feelings and his emotional state of mind. I try so hard in teaching him to have good self esteem and how to handle stresses of school. It’s not easy doing this by myself, but I do my best. A lot of children who are bullied are too scared to tell their parents or the parents don’t have time to listen to their children and be their advocate. At this age, or any age, children need to know that their parents are their biggest advocates. When I was in 6th grade, I was bullied by a classmate. I didn’t feel like I had an advocate. I never told my mom what happened a school. I just kept it inside, but the emotional scars of what that boy said still haunts. I wish someone had told me it was ok to “say something”. Things are so different in 2013. I don’t want AB to go through what I went through. So far, he’s doing well and has a sweet spirit of humanity towards others. The same night, he went to a school function and later to a party at a friend’s house. I was happy to know he was surrounded by friends at the party and that he had a fun time.

October is one of my favorite months, so I’m looking forward to September ending. The way the trees have been blushing with their slight orange hues has only sparked an excitement that only October can bring to my heart.

A song for Adventure Boy. Because I love him.

Video Credit: Josh Groban

JavaGirl’s Journal: Week 2 (2013)

Dear Journal,

This past week has been extremely fun, yet distracting for me. Monday I felt lightheaded with conjestion and had to take the rest of the afternoon off from work. I later had to make an appointment with a doctor to see if I had bronchitis or pneumonia. Lucky for me, it was neither and my coughing was only due to my allergies. Once I get my allergies under control, my coughing should subside. Tuesday, I took the day off from work because it was my birthday. My mom gave me a little surprise party with some old friends of ours. It was great to look around the table and just be in the midst of people I know who care about me and who have seen me grow up since I was 5 years old. Of course, much to my mom’s delight, she made sure the servers came around with a little cake and candle. Once I was served my delicious dessert, they all broke out in song and serenaded me. The last time this happened, we were on a Royal Caribbean ship and the entire restaurant sang along. My mom really thinks this tradition is hilarious, but if it makes her happy, then I’m happy (and embarrassed). It was a perfect day and everything went well.

fathersday

One of things I learned this week is how truly profound a parents actions can affect a child even as they grow up and become adults. Children are so impressionable at such an early age, every little thing you do as a parent they hang on to or they remember it for life. I’m remembering the first time I met my biological father, he turned his head away and refused to shake my hand. This was significant to me because I was 12 years old. Two simple acts from him and it affected me from then on up to the end of my 20’s. All I wanted and longed for was his love and acceptance. I didn’t know what I did to deserve his cruel actions except maybe to think I reminded him of my mom who he truly loved. It was hard growing up without a father figure and understanding the male way of thinking. I had to learn through trial and error in regard to dating. But it always went back to my father. The way I was treated. The love, care and respect a father gives to his daughter is what makes a girl know how she should be treated as she gets older. Anyways, years ago, my adoptive mom met my biological father again and they chatted for a bit and he told her to tell me that he loves me and is very proud of who I’ve become. That’s all I needed to hear and it made all the difference in the world. It was a beautiful ending to all my confusion and sadness as a result of feeling rejected and unloved by my father. A new day of finally feeling accepted by the one man who was part of me, my flesh and blood. My mom told him how I finished school, never got into drugs, alcohol, smoking or anything crazy. Children remember vividly the smallest details and fleeting moments a father gives them. For a parent, what may seem like an ordinary gesture or conversation to their child is actually a monumental moment in time for a child, especially to a daughter from her father. These past years have been serene and I feel good in regards to my biological father. I am at peace and happy in my heart.

National News: Remember that 10 year old girl who was waiting for a lung transplant last week? Well, she got her lungs and had a successful surgery this past week. Colorado had to deal with a huge forest fire and Man of Steele is doing pretty well in theaters across the nation. Hopefully, I can check it out next week.

Happy Father’s Day to the coolest, kindest, sweetest most awesome blogger dads out there who I am lucky to call my friends here on WordPress. This is your day and you all deserve “THE BEST DAD AWARD” badge! Enjoy your day!