Hope you’re doing alright and enjoying life wherever you may be. I have been a bit under the weather this week. I had originally planned to narrate this video, but couldn’t get the music low enough (even down to 6%) to be able to hear me narrate over the music. But I suppose it’s better you don’t hear with me a nasal congestion. I went to the nurse today to be checked out and it is just a cold. I also got my foot checked out because I had a pretty bad fall earlier in the month, so I got x-rays done today to make sure it did not have a hairline fracture. I can put weight on my foot without pain, but I am choosing not to do my usual activities until I know for sure I do not have a fracture and make it worse. These two things have put a damper on my spirits, but I carry on and stay positive.
One way I have learned to stop feeling sorry for myself is to just find things that make me feel productive, happy and distracted.
Since I can’t exercise on my glorious treadmill that I waited 1 year for, I have opted to try something I have wanted (and should have) to try out for a few years. I had put it in the back of my mind, just never got around to actually pursuing it. What is it you ask? Boxing. Yup. You read right. But don’t you have to stand and prance around with your gloves punching the air? Well, I guess. But there are exercises to do from a chair if you have an injury and can’t put full weight on both legs. I’ve ordered my gloves. Normally, I would get a wicked set of gloves to match my style, but I actually wanted something girly. So, yes. I bought pink satin (I don’t think it’s actually satin, I think it’s just the color name) boxing gloves. If I didn’t go ahead and buy these gloves, I would be 99 years old sitting in a rocking chair smacking my gums and telling all my friends that I wished I had taken up boxing when I was younger. I’m learning boxing via video and it’s just to keep cardio in my exercise regimen & get my heart rate up. Yoga is too relaxing for me, so I like to switch it up with other forms of exercises. My arms are going to be so toned. Seating only for boxing exercises until I find out if I have a fracture in my foot. Until then, I will try my best to keep off my feet and just let it heal. Finger crossed, I should know by next week and then it’s:
Right uppercut, left uppercut, right jab, left jab, right side hook, left side hookPOW!
Yoga is nice, but I actually love Pilates and Barre. I already do some form of Pilates on the daily, but I’m trying to incorporate Barre. What is Barre? It’s an exercise that uses a ballet bar ( you can buy your own individual bar or hold on to a very strong bar at home) and incorporates ballet movements to the exercises. Being a former gymnast, I know all about being graceful from the floor exercises I used to do as a child. I’ve always loved ballet and watched several ballet shows with my mother. Once again, I can’t start my Barre exercises until I know for sure that I don’t have a fracture on my foot because the Barre exercises include a lot of standing on your toes. If you are curious to see what a Barre exercise looks like, there are many videos on YouTube that show you what a typical class looks like. No, you’ll never catch me spinning 30 feet off the ground as if I was suddenly thrust into The Nutcracker scene as the Sugar Plum Fairy. I can dream though. Ha.
I’ve also decided to do some crafts in preparation for Christmas. These things have kept me busy or hopefully will make me busy in the coming months.
My only advice if you are having a rough month like I am is to just find things that make you happy and adapt them to where you can enjoy them. Do things that make you feel good, (ladies) even if it’s just painting your nails or doing whatever guys do if you’re a male. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything sounds oh so cliché, but here I am coughing, battling the nasal drip, having a bit of chest congestion, and sweating from low-grade fevers that come and go, but I am blogging. Why? Because it makes me happy! I also wanted to take some video clips of the amazing trees and share it with you what I am seeing here in Colorado. I wanted us to enjoy it together.
I also wanted my video to reflect what it feels like when you swaying on a hammock and looking up at the trees. Perhaps looking up at the trees towering over you while you cruise around in a convertible. Maybe even having a picnic under a tree and feeling the leaves gently drop down on you. Autumn is such a magical season and I just had to capture it before it was too late.
Until next time. Stay safe & take care of yourselves.
It was a beautiful tropical Saturday afternoon and Clementine, 13 years old, and her friends were at a large picnic event. Looking around, Clementine spotted some of her other friends and grabbed her best friend, Kate, to meet up with them. The sun was starting to bake their skin and sweat started to appear on both girls.
“Hey Clemmy, look at those kayaks over there! Want to go out later on the lake? Maybe we can invite Steve and Kian to come with us.” Kate suggested shielding her eyes from the hot sun.
“Sure, but let’s grab some food before we go out!” Hunger had taken over and boys were the last thing on Clementine’s mind at the moment.
The girls sat down and talked as they ate their food. Around 150 people were mingling around and everyone appeared to be in a great mood. This picnic was an annual event and it was the first time they decided to have it here at a private beach that had to be reserved for that day. In front of the shaded area of the building that housed the tables was the lake. Behind the building was a pool with small grassy hills to walk or ride bikes. Most people gathered facing the lake.
After finishing their food, Clementine changed into her bathing suit and met up with Kate who was waiting by the kayaks choosing which paddle to use.
“I think I’ll take this one!” Kate proclaimed as she gingerly got into her kayak. Not sure which one to choose out of 4 kayaks, Clementine chose a bright yellow kayak that already had paddles waiting for her inside. Inside the kayak was a bit of water with some debris floating around, but not so much to concern her. Clementine slowly rolled over the kayak and poured out the little remaining water inside the kayak. Kate laid her towel on the beach and put some sunscreen lotion on her shoulders.
“Wait, what about Kian and Steve? Aren’t they coming too? Where are they?” Clementine asked as she squinted her eyes to look towards the building. “I don’t see them.”
“Oh, forgot to tell you. They’ll come later. They wanted to get more food. You know how guys are always eating!” Kate said rolling her eyes and letting out a long sigh. “Well, then I guess it’s just you and me! Do you feel confident enough to head out now? I mean, you’ve done this before, right?” “Just once.” Clementine felt confident.
Kate side-eyed Clementine and wrinkled her forehead. Besides a slight trepidation from Kate, both girls paddled out into the big lake to seek out an adventure. “This is really nice! It’s so calm out here but the water is extremely dark though. You can’t even see below! I don’t even want to know what is down there!” Kate said as she paddled and stared below at the pitch dark glassy water below her.
“It is dark. I think it’s from the trees. Don’t worry about it, just enjoy it. I’m going to put my feet out and layout. Might as well work on my tan.” Kate started to lean back on her kayak. “Alright, you do that and I’m going to explore a bit over there. I’ll be right back, I just want to see what is over there by those trees.” Clementine started paddling towards a grove of trees in the middle of the lake. By this time, the two girls were hundreds of feet away from the sandy beach and the music and chatter of the festivities became more subdued the further they paddled out.
As Clementine paddled, she suddenly noticed water filling up her kayak. With sudden panic, Clementine turned her kayak around and yelled out to Kate.
“Kate! My kayak is filling up with water! I’m going to need help!” Clementine’s voice cracked a bit as she was fumbling with her paddles and tried her best to head back to the beach. No one was aware of what was happening out in the dark waters of the lake as the two girls were beyond earshot. Kate quickly paddled over and said she would paddle back to shore and ask for help. Clementine’s heart started beating fast as she imagined strange & venomous creatures waiting to grab her once she no longer was safe in her kayak. The dark waters looked ominous. The cool dark waters of the lake had begun to cover the legs of Clementine as she watched Kate jump off her kayak and run to one of the boys at the beach. The notion of drowning was not a possibility as Clementine was a good swimmer. It was what was below that scared Clementine the most. Clementine continued to watch in silence with only the lapping of the water around her becoming more noticeable and the random sound of the paddles bumping the side of the kayak.
A few minutes pass & Clementine has now begun to tread water as her kayak has gone below the surface of the water, but has not totally sunk to the bottom of the lake. Her paddles floated away as she thought there was no use in holding on to them as she needed her arms to tread water. Clementine finally saw Steve jump into a kayak and quickly head towards her. Steve, a 14-year-old and someone who Clementine would have occasional crushes on depending on the season, was a childhood friend and one to rescue Clementine from disaster on more than one occasion. One time Clementine had her entire left arm out of a car feeling the wind and Steve quickly grabbed Clementine’s arm within seconds before a big truck nearly tore it off by driving too close to the car. Clementine was rescued once again.
“What happened Clemmy?” Steve asked smiling.
“My stupid kayak filled up with water. I thought it was fine when I took it out but didn’t know there would be a hole in it until it started to fill up with water.”
“Hold on to the tip of the kayak & I’ll take you back to shore.”
Clementine grabbed the tip of Steve’s kayak and felt a sense of relief to be rescued. Again.
“I wonder if there are snakes in the water!” Steve wondered out loud.
“Stop! Don’t say that!” Clementine moaned as she started to kick her feet faster to help speed up the rescue mission. Steve laughed.
Clementine and Steve were welcomed by parents and onlookers wondering what happened out in the lake. It was a minor spectacle, but nevertheless embarrassing for Clementine who vowed to never go kayaking again without checking to see if there are holes in the kayak. Much to Clementine’s horror, she was told later on by an adult that there were black water snakes in the water.
True story of when I was 13 years old & what happened on snake lake in Brazil. That’s not the name of the lake, but it should have been named that. I just wanted to tell it in a story form. All names were changed just for fun. I wrote this in 2012, but never published it and thought I’d bring it out, dust it off from my “drafts” file. This story also reminded me of this endearing scene. Way too similar. Funny how life imitates art or art imitates life. I have so many funny stories & wild adventures of my childhood growing up in Brazil.
Talk soon. Much love.
Post edit: Wait a minute. Upon reviewing this story, why didn’t my friend Kate rescue me herself? Kate! What kind of friend are you? Lol. Was she sinking herself, but had enough buoyancy to reach shore without sinking? I’m going to have to ask my friend and see if she remembers this since we were mere children/teenagers at the time.
Adventure boy & I had the wonderful pleasure of going to see Van Gogh’s artwork last month. This is what I had promised you last year, but due to unforeseen events, the show was canceled & I didn’t get a chance to see it until recently. Luckily, we were graciously upgraded with our tickets (which came with some goodies) which was nice because I had bought the 2 tickets last May. For my new subscribers, Adventure boy is my son’s social media name here on WordPress. I guess I can transition his social media name to just “J”, but I still like calling him Adventure Boy because he still does go on adventures with his friends all over Colorado. Check out his blog on my menu. He was so cute when he was younger in how he wrote about life & his reviews of movies; he continues to be extremely funny even to this day. My son is a fantastic photographer and is always asked to take wedding, maternity, casual and portrait pictures by his friends and clients. He is my movie buddy, we’ve seen all the trilogies of things and look forward to watching Top Gun & the new Jurassic Park movies. He turned 21 years old last month & continues to be the sweetest, most thoughtful, respectful, well behaved, polite, handsome, loving & most wonderful son a mother could ever ask for. His love for art, hopefully, came from me because his grandmother was an artist & I oil point, so it runs in the family. This was a great experience to share with my son & we both enjoyed it. This video is the shorter version of what I captured. The longer version is about 15 minutes long. This shorter version took about 2 hours to edit and add music to it. I had to clip and crop things on the 38 individual video clips I took, but out of the 38 video clips, I only used several clips to make this video. Some things from the show I did not record because I just wanted to put my camera down and be in the moment and take in the breathtaking masterpieces Vincent painted. Vincent’s life was tragic and sad in a way that he died thinking no one liked his paintings or wanted to buy them. I’ve watched documentaries and 2 movies about the life of Vincent Van Gogh, so you can tell I am truly a fan of his. If only he knew that generations later and all over the world, people would come to sit down and see his artwork in not just a frame in a museum, but be surrounded by it & be immersed in his paintings. A dream come true for me & I’m sure a dream come true for Vincent if he was alive to see his masterpieces come to life. Everything was beautiful during the show, but there was a very small video clip of a yellow sun he painted that I absolutely loved! Luckily, the previous song had stopped, so it gave me a chance to slowly introduce another carefully selected song that warmly coincides with the sun blazing across the room. You can see my favorite clip at the 7:05 minute mark. I listened to 10 songs to see which one song could provide justice to the beauty of the sun & was so proud of myself to find the perfect tune to match his painting. One of my favorite things to do when editing my videos is finding that perfect song to show what I’m feeling in my soul & heart at the moment I am filming something. I think music adds so much to photography & videos. Truly magical!
I did my best to showcase his art with carefully selected music to recognize and show my appreciation for all the long hours he took to paint what he believed was truly beautiful in what he saw and had wanted the world to see.
This one’s for you Vincent Van Gogh. You still captivate me.
How are ya? I’m back and I have pretty much recovered from covid. I’m feeling good. I’m back to working out and doing my normal things. I wanted to talk about something I have learned from last year & it’s been a game changer for me in realizing what kind of people there are out there in regards to their attachment to you and why they are that way. This stems from upbringing from childhood and transfers to how they relate to friendships, relationships and marriages. I can look at a couple and see signs of their attachment behaviors. Disclaimer: I am not a therapist. Sorry, have to put that out there. I know you all are highly intelligent over here in the WordPress universe & clearly know that. But you never know. Some random person might say, “Durrrr. You’re trying to sound like a therapist”. No, I’m not. I’m sharing information that is found in the public domain. I actually always wanted to be a couples therapist at one point in my life, but the reality is that dealing with unhappy and miserable couples every single day would burn me out. But it would be an amazing feeling to help save a marriage or relationship.
How to help a person with these 3 attachment styles is coming from a person who has a healthy secure attachment style. Obviously, a relationship/marriage/friendship is easier when both parties have the same secure attachment styles. These are just example of how to deal with these attachment style being a secure attachment style.
How to help a partner with an avoidant attachment
When I think of the avoidant attachment person, I can’t help but think of Al Bundy from Married with Children. His avoidant behavior was made humorous towards his wife. Usually why an avoidant attachment person is this way, it is due to fear. Sadly as babies or children, they have had to self soothe themselves because no one else was there for them. Often avoidance attachment are super analytical and overthink things, thus spiraling into the realms of anxiety. In a relationship/friendship/marriage an avoidant attachment will take 1 or 2 steps back when you want to get close to them because they don’t want to be vulnerable with their feelings or get intimate. One way to help this behavior is to share your own fears of things. This shared experience can break down any walls they may have because they suddenly have a connection with you. Another way is to compromise with them; this may help with their 1-2 step backwards with you. Often times, the avoidant loves their space and will want to be left alone. This may come across as dismissive, but if you acknowledge their space and verbally say it to them, they will feel secure and know they are valued and might come back sooner than expected to continue talking or continuing with an activity. Everyone is different and some people may never want to get help or change. But everyone can, if they want, better themselves to strive to have the secure attachment.
How to help a partner with anxious attachment
Anxious partners need validation from their partners that they will return. For example, if there is a fight/argument/disagreement with an anxious partner, the best thing you can do is to explain that you need to leave the environment to let them cool off. However, by letting them know that you will return to talk to them again and that they are still safe in the relationship/friendship/marriage, will mean the world to them. Anxious people feel that they will be abandoned. To feel secure and still important to someone even though there is a disagreement is vital in helping an anxious person to calm down and feel safe to share their feelings. Anxious people already feel that they will lose someone if there is a fight and truly expect someone to walk out of their life because either this has happened to them in the past (and there is a pattern of this) or they have witnessed it with their parents or friends. A person with a secure attachment will always return because they realize this is how an anxious person functions. An insecure attachment style person will literally walk away (probably slamming the door in the meantime) and ignore all calls or attempts from their anxious partner (this is actually a sign of an avoidant attachment person). The anxious partner is calling to get validation of their importance to said person & probably subconsciously to themselves hence their need to communicate. A healthy and secure person will be angry or upset, but at the same time will care about their partner’s anxious attachment and make sure they won’t feel abandoned, even if there is a negative conversation between the two. People with anxious attachment behaviors need a lot of positive reassurance & nurturing. The great thing is that a person with anxious attachment can learn & develop a healthy, happy and secure attachment. I know, because I used to be someone with an anxious attachment in relationships.
How to help a partner with disorganized or chaotic attachment
You can see this attachment easily in movies and true crime stories. I mean, this attachment is very common, but it’s a toxic mix when 2 people both have the disorganized/chaotic attachment. There’s a scene in the movie The Notebook where Allie & Noah break up. One second Allie is screaming wanting to break up with him and the next second she’s regretting that decision and pleading for him to stay-it’s the I hate you, don’t leave me theme. Personally, I think Noah had the secure attachment style because he was willing to compromise, wait for her until she “found” herself and tell her it’s ok to be close to him as they developed more into their relationship. People with disorganized/chaotic attachment styles do not know who they are and often don’t know what they want (in a partner or maybe even in life) thus causing confusion not only to themselves, but to others. Some may show hostility, aggression because they can’t regulate their extreme emotions. Unlike the avoidant attachment, the disorganized/chaotic attachment style can’t self soothe.
A way to help a partner with the disorganized/chaotic attachment style is to be consistent with everything or anything as they are so used to living in an unpredictable world. Trust is built with them as they learn that you will show up when you say you will or call when you say you will.
A professional therapist can help someone with all 4 attachments, yes, even the secure attachment to uncover the cause from childhood that overtime made its way into relationships and marriages. There’s nothing wrong in seeking professional help.
Happy New Year & I hope everyone has had a great Christmas. As you can tell by the title, I am pretty sure I am recovering from covid. At this point of my sickness, my nurse said it doesn’t make sense to get a test. I will have a blood test later and see if I have any antibodies as a result from being sick with covid. Here are some points I want to show you of what I experienced and how to make it a bit easier if you catch it too. Disclaimer though is that everyone experiences it differently and mine has been pretty mild thus far. In fact, so mild, I’ve had worse colds than what I have been through. These points are from what I experienced and I am only writing about them as a generalization that most people experience.
By the time you start coughing a dry cough, you are mostly likely already sick and have been spreading it. Luckily, I wasn’t out in public when I started having a dry cough for two days. This period is contagious & most people, unfortunately, may been exposed being around you. I honestly thought it was just a dry cough because of the dry air or dust. I didn’t think too much of it. On New Years Eve (a Friday), both eyes started to get teary and I was sneezing a lot. My throat didn’t feel too bad, perhaps slightly scratchy, so I thought I was coming down with a cold. I was a bit disappointed as my 4 year streak of not being sick in regards to a cold was coming to an end. I had been so proud of myself for keeping healthy and avoiding getting sick. I just sat in bed and drank tea, hoping this would calm my cough.
Saturday morning, January 1st, I woke up to feeling extremely weak, muscle aches, a high fever and just overall feeling horrible. I could barely walk to the bathroom. I thought this was the flu! All day, my fever went up and down. One second I was hot as hell and wearing a tank top. The next moment I was putting on a long sleeved shirt and wrapping myself in a warm blanket and drinking tea. It was like this all day. The fevers wouldn’t let up. It was this point, I should have gone to Urgent Care, but I didn’t. Sunday night I was shivering laying in bed as if I was in an igloo only wearing shorts even though I was wearing a long sleeved shirt and under several blankets. Having trouble breathing never occurred except just the usual stuffy nose congestion. I had high fevers off and on until Monday and it finally broke Tuesday. My dry coughs developed into a productive cough and I was coughing so much; my stomach muscles were hurting immensely that it was painful to even take deep breathes. I needed to take deep breathes anyway, but doing so meant to be in pain for a few seconds. I had many nights of putting an ice pack on my side. Tuesday to Thursday was mostly coughing up mucus. I was eating like a bird every 24 hours for about 5 or 6 days. I could only eat tiny pieces of a chocolate bar or a cookie. I was afraid to eat because I constantly coughing. I also noticed sweating even doing the smallest chore. Sweating is a symptom. So did I have the “flurona”?
By Friday to Monday (January 10), my stomach muscle pain had gone away. Before my stomach muscles pain had started, I had been already exercising and doing ab workouts. So even with ab workouts, all the constant coughing really worked up other stomach muscles. Imagine if I had not been working out! I was finally able to talk to a nurse (my main nurse was out sick so I had someone else). By speaking to me, listening to all my symptoms and listening to my cough on Tuesday via a telemed video phone call (today is Thursday), he prescribed me Prednisone since I have a history of asthma. The nurse pretty much said it sounded like I had gotten covid and was “on the mend” by this point. I asked how much longer I had feeling this way & coughing and he said everyone is different. As long as I’m getting better is all that matters. The pharmacy line usually is open and I can drive right up, but my son said there was a very long line at the pharmacy when he went to pick up my Prednisone. They told him they have been busy all day.
No fevers since last week, but I noticed a new symptom and it is stomach pains, nausea & indigestion. My nausea comes random, but not often. The stomach pains are different from the pains from coughing so much. Luckily, this symptom is going away and I am eating better and regularly. I’m feeling better, I just have this lingering productive cough and a little nasal congestion. Luckily, I never lost my taste or smell throughout this entire ordeal. Trust me, I was going around sniffing things like my wax candles & my favorite perfume (Eternity for Women by Calvin Klein ahem…) just to be sure I still had my ability to smell things. I rarely get indigestion, so having it every time I ate something has been new to me. Luckily, the indigestion is slowly going away and I can eat in peace! My worse day was that one day on Saturday with the high fevers and muscle aches.
Overall, my pneumonia and bronchitis in the past years have been worse. I can’t say this for everyone, but this has been my experience having covid.
My friend who has taken care of her friends who have had covid told me to eat lots of bananas, anything with calcium and to drink a lot of liquids! Also, continue with taking vitamins, especially Vitamin D. I know eating coconut milk popsicles was a God send for my throat from coughing. It was such a relief! Coconut milk popsicles are my new best friends. You can’t ever tear us apart! I also made myself banana & strawberry smoothies. CUT DOWN ON SALT whilst having covid as one of the symptoms is having a rapid heartbeat. I am on blood pressure pills, but I already am on a salt free diet or low sodium foods. My anxiety was non-existent for six months prior to this, but it skyrocketed during this time because every day brought in a new symptom. If there’s a lot of salt intake, this could possibly increase your heart rate with Covid and increase your anxiety at the same time.
I’m all about natural healing and have been into Rife Frequency and Binaural Beat frequency healing the past 3 yrs. Prior to getting sick with covid, I had been listening to DNA repairment and building up my immune system by listening weekly to my favorite frequencies. I think this might have helped in getting my immune system ready to battle! I could have been a lot worse! I truly believe in frequency healing. Our bodies are made up to 60% of water and studies have shown that listening to certain frequencies can change your cells, kill viruses & bacteria and repair your DNA. Sometimes when I get a headache, instead of taking Tylenol, I just listen to 5-10 minutes of a specific frequency for headache relief & the headache goes away.
Everyone experiences it differently
Speaking to some of my friends who currently have covid, one of my friends can not taste her foods or drinks. My other friend has only had mild symptoms, but has had indigestion and has felt tired. Overall, we’ve all had the same symptoms of coughing a lot.
Try to watch movies, tv shows or do anything to keep your mind occupied. The more you think of how worse you might get and picture yourself in a hospital, it will create chaos in your body & unnecessary psychological stress on your immune system. I limited myself in watching funny things for while because every time I dared laughed, it would lead me into a coughing fit. If you need to cry, just do it. Let it out. I cried one day off & on for 9 hours, but I paid dearly for it. I was coughing up clear mucus for the next two days as a result. Crying only increased my nasal congestion and drainage. Hopefully, there is not a next time with this, but I will definitely not tear up and soldier on. I just felt so vulnerable and feeling sorry for myself. I missed my mom and I had to let it out. I didn’t realize my sadness would add 2 more days of coughing up phlegm. No mas! If I feel a tear try to push itself out my eye I think, “Not today!” and try to suck it back in. Lol. Suck back in a tear? Is that even possible? You get what I mean.
If you need to talk to someone, do so. It will help you in a thousand ways. I’m thankful for my friend Micaela. She’s been an angel to me throughout this whole ordeal and I can’t thank her enough. The feeling of knowing someone is praying for you or just being there for you can help you recover faster.
I am still recovering. I don’t know how long I’ll have this lingering cough, but I feel I am getting better. I am currently taking Prednisone, so my lungs will feel better and get a break. The hardest part has been allowing my body to just heal itself naturally and not continue exercising. I feel like a slug. I’ve lost weight because I was hardly eating. I will gradually get back to my daily exercise regimen, but I would never go full cold turkey in exercising for 30 minutes out of the blue. But I do miss exercising & I look forward to doing it. I’m glad I can laugh at funny things and not get into a coughing fit. Staying positive and being gentle to what I think is vital. Your self talk influences your body overall. Happy thoughts=happy body.
If you have it, I hope you feel better! I truly do. Until next time. Take care of yourselves & each other.
How are you? I was having a few issues uploading my first podcast on WordPress, but at least the link is there. If you know how I can use a player instead of a link, please let me know. But click the link and it will take you to my podcast. I like the “waves” in the background on the podcast, it’s cute. I’m new to this whole podcasting thing, so please excuse the tiny clip at the end that suddenly gets loud and cuts off. I tried editing that out, but it stayed! Anyway. Stay well and take care of yourselves. I’ll be back very soon!
Tis, I. I have returned. I see I have some new subscribers and it makes me happy. So thank you & welcome!
I’m sure you have seen the video of Gabby Petito and her fiance when they were stopped by the police officer. In the video, Gabby is seen visibly upset when speaking to the officer because she and her fiance had been “fighting” all morning. The officer first made sure the environment was safe for him & for her. He told her to step out of the car and speak to him alone & away from her fiance. This was a smart move and I’ll explain why.
If a hard topic is to be brought up between two people in a relationship and you both know it could turn heated, then the first thing you need to do is:
REGULATE YOUR BODY
Gabby was away and began to speak to the officer. From the video, you can see Gabby start to regulate her body as I am sure her heartrate was up and body tense from arguing. The officer offered her to sit in his car so she could cool off, “relax a little bit”. Basically, he was helping her regulate her body. Obviously, starting a hard topic in the middle of jogging or doing strenuous work, is not the smartest move when beginning a hard topic with your significant other. Your body is already working overdrive and your thoughts won’t be as clear. Make sure your significant other is already calm and relaxed. Of course, make sure you are as well. If you need to take 10 deep breathes (4 seconds in, 4 seconds out), just do it. Even if it’s in front of your partner. You can do them together.
ADDRESS THE IMPORTANCE OF THE RELATIONSHIP
Even though the officer & Gabby were strangers, he acknowledged her interests and made her feel good and important. In the police body cam you can hear Gabby state she wanted to start a YouTube channel and start blogging. Being a blogger myself for many years, I can understand her excitement to want to speak to the world of her thoughts on a blogging platform and connect with strangers from all over the world. Unfortunately, Gabby stated that her fiance was not supportive of her dream to become a Youtuber or blogger. He was not addressing the importance of her nor of her future dreams. The officer readily told Gabby that she was not in trouble and was not getting arrested. This is very important too when beginning discussing a hard topic. Addressing the importance of the relationship is vital as it makes the other person feel important and not attacked and get in defense mode. This gives the person the feeling of being safe around you & that you are working as team to discuss the hard topic. The officer did this by reinforcing that Gabby was safe (at that moment) and she was not in trouble. He wanted her to know they were a team working together to resolve this problem she and her fiance were facing at that moment. This should not feel like a boxing match where both people are on opposite sides. Hard topics can be cheating, divorce, telling someone their loved one passed away etc.
This can mean 2 things. Never discuss hard topics in an environment that could turn deadly such as kitchen, on a bridge or near a waterfall. You get the picture. I am not saying get in a padded room, but going somewhere quiet and far from anything that can be used against you if it does get out of control is important. Using words that conjure up negativity will only bring on the defense mode especially for topics about cheating & divorce or even each other’s mother-in-laws. Begin with words like “I” and “This is how I’m feeling about this…”. Validate their feelings, which may be very hard if you are discussing how you caught them cheating on you. Remember, this may sound almost unreal and probably level of impossibility, but it’s just a general way of making sure you and they are in a safe environment with little (if you can help it) to no blame with words.
Healthy problem solving takes practice and not everyone goes into a new relationship with that mindset. Some may come into a new relationship from an abusive relationship and have no idea how to problem solve with you on your first fight as a couple. The good thing is that anyone can learn to problem solve as team and do it in a healthy way;
What inspired me to write this particular topic was because of how Gabby and her fiance could have learned this approach to fighting or arguing and not have gotten into what ended in tragedy. Relationships are not perfect nor should they. But learning to understand each other before a hard topic can create a lower outcome of a very negative situation for both parties.
Until next time my loves. Take care of yourselves and each other, especially when it comes to discussing hard topics. RIP Gabby.
My niece in Brazil wanted to see photos of what I was doing yesterday as I told her we were out and about. I didn’t do much because it started to rain. I felt bad so instead I made her a short video of a previous drive we took up on June 8th to one of my favorite town parks. After she watched it, she said it was very beautiful! She rewarded me this morning of some new photos of her newborn daughter who is cute as a button! This park is literally in the middle of town, but it feels like you’re in the foothills of the mountains. On the left you can see the homes & buildings below the road. The park is wide, but there’s a very quick break in the road where you can see the homes & buildings on the right side of the road. After you park, there’s a little cement path that takes you to an open area where you can look down at the town. It’s so beautiful, but I didn’t record that that day because it was too hot. Oh and about that sudden stop to the video at the end, haha. I was playing around with my iphone video editing and I liked that white noise ending, but forgot to take it off when editing for my niece. Oh well! Might use it in the future for something else, but sorry about the sudden white noise ending! Lol…
This will be a short one, but I wanted to share with you all the story behind the Star Spangled Banner as you’ve never heard it before. I hope everyone has a great day tomorrow, the official 4th of July.
So nice to see you all! A special hello to my new subscribers! I see you & want to welcome you with a great big hug! Stick around!
I got a new iphone about 3 weeks ago and I’m having fun playing with its features. I used to use the OG Movie Maker, remember that? But they don’t make it like they used to. So, I decided to get the app Adobe premiere and used it to edit my video. Here it is. It’s my first time using my new iphone to edit, so don’t laugh! I’m like a toddler with my editing skills on my iphone. It will get better, I promise. I wasn’t trying to be perfect in today’s video, I just wanted to shoot something and upload it. It took me a while to find the perfect song to go along with this vimeo video. In other news, wait until you see where I’ll be in November! It will blow your mind and my iphone will capture it all! It cost a pretty penny to get tickets, but it has been my dream to go to it for the past 2 years!
Take a ride with us as we ride around my favorite street, Peterson Road. Gosh, I love this road so much.
Maybe next time I’ll take you guys on a ride to one of my favorite parks. The views are amazing because the park is high above the town. Stay tuned.
Sorry! I didn’t know my video would be so big! Apologies for seeing my mug so huge! I don’t know how to make it smaller. :O