Have you ever gone on stage and the audience is there, but it’s so dark that you can’t clearly see how many people are out there watching you? The lights are so bright yet you squint your eyes to get some estimate of the amount of people out there who have come to see you. That’s how I feel right now. You walk across the stage and wonder if they even care or if they just want to be entertained by it all. You want to express how you really feel from the heart, yet you wonder if they will only laugh and go home and forget what they even heard moments ago. Then you wonder again, why am I even here? Is it for the audience? Or for the pure love of telling your own story? For me, it’s for telling my own story. Even if I get one person to read this blog, I’m happy.
Remember me? I know I’ve been gone for quite some time and I do apologize. Thanks also for my new subscribers who found the time to want to subscribe to my blog even though I rarely blogged. I hope you stick around a little bit because I do appreciate you being here.
I was thinking today how when I used to let off steam I’d come online and blog about it. Sometimes my rants would be funny or downright heartbreaking. I realized I hadn’t been doing that; instead I have been clamming up and keeping it to myself. I love to write. Writing is my outlet when I can’t speak face to face to anyone. Yes, I have friends in real life who I can easily call up, but I also like to digitally record my thoughts as a journal. Looking back at your writing allows you to reflect and understand the way of thinking of that moment.
Lately, I’ve been thinking I need to start blogging more. I know I’ve said this a million times in the past, but I’m kind of stressing out a little bit now about something and writing relaxes me. What’s stressing me? Several things, but there is a pretty big thing I have to go through and it has put me in a funk the past 2 weeks. I can’t seem to shake it off. It’s a situation tha makes me wish I had my mother here to comfort me. But she’s not, just like she’s not here for many other things happening in my life right now. It’s life, but it makes me dig deep into ny inner strength to get through it. I’ll write about it more soon, I can’t just right now.
I’ll be blogging a lot more now. I promise. xoxo