JavaGirl’s Journal week 18: End of a chapter

Dear Journal,

It’s been a quite some time since I last wrote in your. So much has happened and I purposefully kept quiet to process and take care of business. Yesterday, was the big day to completely move everything that I wanted into storage before the buyers look at the house Monday. Initially, three people bailed out on me last minute to help me move. Everything worked out and 15 teens on a retreat stopped by and helped us. This has been a huge relief for me as I have been working almost every single weekend since the last week of December at my mom’s house.

My emotions have been on pause for most of these months. My mom’s picture hangs up on my wall and I would tell her between tears that I was trying my best in taking care of everything (on my own), but that it has been hard. Gone are those days when I would cry driving home on Fridays as those were the days we would talk and plan our weekends. I now just look at the sunset and wonder what she is doing up in heaven-and I smile I talk to her anytime of the day as I feel her spirit is always near me.

It is a surreal and strange feeling to be walking through her house with all the furniture gone. The house echoes. Memories of laughter, loud tv, hustling and bustling of the three of us are vanished. I remember when she moved into her house. When she was looking at her new home, it was empty and the walls were of different colors. I remember walking around the house with her and she was smiling so much already telling everyone what walls were going to be. I could see her eyes light up with all the decorations she had in mind. My mom had a talent of making any home to feel absolutely cozy. Before we knew it, her house was all decorated and candles were lit. When she knew Adventure Boy and I were coming to visit her, she’d make sure we were always welcomed with the scent of candles or something cooking in the oven. Now the house is odorless. Completely a shell now. Ready to make memories for the next family that moves in. That house was good to her. It kept her safe and brought in many friends and family.

A new chapter of my life began after 11:30 am on Thanksgiving morning and ended yesterday. It was a short chapter of my life and yet it’s something that I had to go through. I was looking forward to ending this chapter as it was difficult and frustrating to me in some ways. I feel a great relief now. I can feel as though I can begin a new chapter in my life, one with less headaches and on the spot decisions. It has felt like a long toothache.

I must admit though, I’ve learned a lot of human behavior and the true meaning of serving others with a pure heart. The act of selfless love, care and concern. I have also seen the selfishness, nonchalant ways and ill intended behavior of people too. People I thought were going to be there for us were nonexistent and didn’t show much concern for us. There are cliques of people and if you are outside of their circle, not one of them, they don’t make much of an effort to reach out to you either. It’s true people forget about you after a month. The calls stop. The cards stop as well. No invites to dinner or drop ins. Feeling alone and forgotten would besiege me once in a while (it still does), but then I would remember the people who cared throughout this entire time. With that, I was grateful. A simple hug and huge smile would make me feel that there were still good people in this world. I now understand it just takes consistency from people to check in their loved ones to see how they are. Just a simple “Hey, how are you today” is a gold mine of love. It does make a difference. Getting on with life does take time. My cousin, Hope, has been amazing and walking me through all of this. I know I am strong-stronger than I thought. I think my mom would be proud. I know she is proud.

I’m evolving.

I have my friends to thank too. I love them so much. All of them. Especially when they took the time to write long emails, call, text, comment, taken me out to Dennys or make me laugh. It has helped me get through a tough day. Such angels they are to me.

So what does this next chapter look like? I don’t know, but I am already smiling at some of the things that it will include. My new camera is ready to start taking pictures for the WordPress challenges. I haven’t had time on the weekends to join in, hence the lack of photo challenge photos.

Spring is here and the freshness of the air, the birth of new beginnings awaits me every morning.

I am evolving.

I am.

13 thoughts on “JavaGirl’s Journal week 18: End of a chapter

  1. It is good for you to have closure on this part of your journey. As you say, you are evolving, growing and blossoming. Keep all your memories and your lessons learned close to your heart and you will continue to be everything you and your Mom ever hoped for you.

    1. Well, initially I had help, but they couldn’t come at the last minute. It was so disappointing as I’m sure you know. I just moving furniture and other things into a shed because my apt is getting full. Thankfully now I can transfer things from my apt to the storage and breathe a bit until I have to move again. I was lucky this time. When I move into a house that I buy (next year) I might have professional movers or maybe I’ll have 16 teens helping again! 😀

    1. You are a bitter friend. 😛 My coworker treated me out one day after we had some major girly time at the hair salon. She was so sweet and we laughed our heads off about something morbid. We just got the giggles in the middle of Dennys. We looked like a bunch of hyenas. It was a good day. 😀

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