JavaGirl’s Journal: Week 15 Dealing with Bullying

Dear Journal,

Patience. Showing graciousness to those that bug me to death. Patience. I’ve had to bite my tongue so much lately that I’m surprised I even have a tongue as result. Showing grace to people who say ridiculous things or act borderline atrocious and still smiling and saying “thank you” has been my week thus far. There are times I just want to growl like Marge Simpson. Did the world turn a certain degree in angle because people are acting rude lately without any consideration. My tolerance level has been severely tested the past few weeks, but it’s a learning experience that one must go through I suppose. My car tail light was not working and it ended up being an electrical problem. The next day, another driver told me my brake lights were not working. I had to return back (a 45 minute trip) to the auto store to be told to return the following day so the guy who fixed my tail light earlier could fix my brake light. They charged me twice with something, as my bank statement showed me. I didn’t have a phone for two weeks and got a replacement for my Android, but it’s acting crazy and doing things without my consent or knowledge. The ladies at the DMV were being loud and obnoxious as they were doing business with me. They talked so loud I felt like the entire building knew why I was there (renewing my registration). Typical Jersey women. They need to tone it down along with their attitude. Had to bite my tongue once again and smile. They made me feel stupid by what they said.

The past Friday was good though. I had a minor heart attack when my boss-boss said in a scary voice, “I need to see you in my office.”. I followed behind her with the feeling of doom. What did I do now? She does this to me all the time and ends up talking about non-scary things. Anyways, so she sits down in her seat and I find a chair to sit across from her. I saw a fan and attempted to move the chair away from it and the fan just literally fell apart. The fan fell sideways, the blades splattered everywhere, plastic all over the floor and the fan itself came off the stand. I thought, “Omg! I killed it!!” My boss-boss laughed hysterically and didn’t stop for a full 5 minutes. She had tears coming from her eyes. I told her, “I swear. I hardly touched it. It fell on its own! I was just moving the chair to sit in!” She wasn’t having any of it and continued to laugh so hard. I guess I sorta laughed? Still not knowing why I was being called in, I had to be cautious. As long as she was laughing, I suppose I was safe. Anyways, after she caught her breath, she told me the President of the company had been given a certain amount of money to the programs and she and him decided to give me this envelope for being “the most experienced worker”. I wasn’t sure what she meant. I’ve only been there 8 years, but compared to the rest of my coworkers, I was indeed the most experienced worker there. I didn’t realize it was a check with money, I thought it was just an envelope with my paystub. I didn’t realize until later how much it was. The money was over 1,000 dollars! What! I later wrote her a thank you note and she loved it. I was not expecting this and it made my day. Having trouble with my timing belt and transmission really put my monthly budget in a chaotic spin. I was very disappointed I wasn’t able to go to Canada this Fall. I’d still love to go next year. So cross your fingers!

Last Friday I got a call from the Vice Principal of Adventure Boy’s school. AB is a good kid, so I was curious as to why he was calling me. The VP told me that there had been an “incident” where another boy was saying threatening things and harassing AB, calling him names and what he was planning to do to him. There were enough witnesses around to clarify what was being said to AB to make this a serious incident. I won’t say what the other boy said, but it was enough for the school to call the police and have the officer charge the boy. The boy has been suspended and will be taken to court. I remembered AB had told me last Thursday that he had a good day, but the end of the day had been not so good. The things said were hurtful to AB, so AB did not go into depth of what had been said. The crazy things about this was that the teacher asked AB if he wanted to have the teacher “talk” to the boy about this or if the teacher should report it to the office. AB chose the latter and the most severe. I later spoke to the police officer and he even asked me if I wanted to “pursue” what the punishment was for the boy. He said most parents of the victims don’t want to bother the other family (the bully) and drop the case. He personally didn’t feel that way. I said, “Are you kidding me? He’s got to learn the consequences for messing with my son! Yes, pursue what you have to do.” Drop the case? What is that teaching my son? That he can be bullied and that I as a parent won’t stand up for him? I honestly hope the other boy learns his lesson and learns from it. I also hope he grows up to be a decent citizen and won’t try to harm another kid again. One can only hope.

Thank goodness for my tiger personality because I will fight tooth and nail (and I love my nails) to make sure my son is protected. AB is only in 7th grade and he still has High School to go to and we all know what that can be like. This is not the first time I’ve had to deal with children bullying my son. With my job and all the seminars I’ve attended that deal with children with depression, suicides etc, I am very familiar with how those kids end up being the way they are, therefore, I am ultra sensitive to my son’s feelings and his emotional state of mind. I try so hard in teaching him to have good self esteem and how to handle stresses of school. It’s not easy doing this by myself, but I do my best. A lot of children who are bullied are too scared to tell their parents or the parents don’t have time to listen to their children and be their advocate. At this age, or any age, children need to know that their parents are their biggest advocates. When I was in 6th grade, I was bullied by a classmate. I didn’t feel like I had an advocate. I never told my mom what happened a school. I just kept it inside, but the emotional scars of what that boy said still haunts. I wish someone had told me it was ok to “say something”. Things are so different in 2013. I don’t want AB to go through what I went through. So far, he’s doing well and has a sweet spirit of humanity towards others. The same night, he went to a school function and later to a party at a friend’s house. I was happy to know he was surrounded by friends at the party and that he had a fun time.

October is one of my favorite months, so I’m looking forward to September ending. The way the trees have been blushing with their slight orange hues has only sparked an excitement that only October can bring to my heart.

A song for Adventure Boy. Because I love him.

Video Credit: Josh Groban

12 thoughts on “JavaGirl’s Journal: Week 15 Dealing with Bullying

    1. Yeah, I think she does that scary voice on purpose so that I can have a minor heart attack on the way to her office. I’m glad you read the entire blog. I can always tell who actually reads my novel size blogs. Hope he hangs in there for this year. Did I tell you we plan to move to South Carolina by next summer? It’s pretty definite. Mom wants to head down there and wants me to come along. I’ve already picked out a house I’d like to buy, but I’m still comparing homes. I’m thinking of gated communities to keep the stalkers away. LOL

      1. Haha, you’re way too kind Philip! 😉 I’ve moved 11 times in my life, so I’m pretty flexible. There is nothing here in NJ holding me back, so I’m looking forward to seeing what is out there. Not sure about how my allergies will be down there, but hopefully better than they are up here.

  1. Congratulations on your unexpected bonus! Sometimes it comes when we need it. Most of all congratulations on how you handled the bully thing. These children who start out bullying at such a young age end up being the bully that beats his wife and kids. They need to be held accountable early on so they know that there are consequences to their actions. It make me furious when someone says, “Oh, he’s just a kid. He won’t do it again.” He will and it will be far worse and then some day we will be reading about them hurting someone badly and those same people will say, “He was such a good kid”. No he wasn’t. You just pretended he was so he wouldn’t get punished.
    Can you tell you hit a nerve with me? It infuriates me.
    Give Adventure Boy a hug for me.

    1. Thank you! I believe in being an example for my son. I want him to see how I handle serious situations as I know he will remember this as he gets older. He was able to see that this was resolved without any fights or heated arguments. I’m very familiar with domestic violence and how it stems from adults witnessing it as children or being bully themselves as kids. Either they grow up physically hitting others in their lives or they psychologically torment others which is just as bad. I know this from my job because of my clients. You are right, kids need to be taught that there are consequences to their actions early on or else they will feel more confident as they get older to continue doing these crazy things. Since you are a very close friend of mine and we interact outside of WP, you probably know what AB was teased about. It broke my heart, but he handled it well. Thank you for thinking of him. I will give him a mighty big hug tonight from you before he goes to bed! Big hugs to you!!

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