Is he “the one”?

Hi everyone!

So tonight, I’m writing two blogs. I was going to write about this one earlier, but got distracted by the yacht. I’ve been busy and writing blogs is relaxing to me and I truly enjoy it.

I felt like blogging about relationships since I haven’t done that in a very long time. When I work and talk with my clients, relationships is always the popular topic. I’ll also be going to two weddings this year and I couldn’t be happier for the two couples. The first wedding is on March 30th and I’m looking forward to seeing my childhood friend tie the knot. Since we are talking wedding bliss, how did they find “the one?” What are your thoughts on how to find “the one”? Here are my thoughts on the topic and what I look for.

1. Communication: Even the shyest person should feel comfortable expressing themselves to you. Without good communication between two people, a lot of assumptions and miscommunication can occur leading to fights, arguments and silent treatments. The only way to be listened to is to begin a sentence with “I” instead of a pointed finger at the other person and declaring “you”. When someone points a finger at me and starts off with a “you”, then my defense goes up right away. I tell my clients that if they say, “I don’t like it when…”, it brings the attention to you and forces the person to focus on you instead of the defense walls coming up. Nothing turns me off when a guy lacks communication with me even if he likes me. I don’t like guessing games and I feel like I am wasting my time with wondering if he’s having fun. You definitely don’t want a guessing game with someone you’ll be married to for the rest of your life. Honesty goes hand in hand with communication.

2. Sense of humor: A good sense of humor. Who doesn’t like to laugh? Some guys I’ve known in the past have been so sweet, smart and cute but they lacked humor. What a shame! I don’t care how handsome he is, but if he can’t make me laugh I am not interested. I joke around a lot so someone who can roll with it with me even in an awkward situation is someone who I can see still chuckling with when we are relaxing on the front porch in our 90’s. I dated one guy for a few years and every time we went out, people asked us if we were on our first date because we laughed and joked around so much. Humor is good and overall necessary for your soul and well-being.

3. Shared values: If the person you want to spend the rest of your life with has values that are way off course from your values, it will make life a bit harder, if not impossible. If he wants his work to be his number one focus and you want family time, it will cause some unhappy evenings. Before tying the knot, shared values should be closely looked at so there isn’t any surprises later on such as family values if you are to have children later on.

4. Respect: I couldn’t emphasize this more. I’ve seen couples who disrespect each other in public and it makes me feel very awkward just being around them. If they are so prone to act in that behavior in public, how are they in private? Even if there is a difference in opinion regarding politics or anything, there should be a respect there to hear the other person’s side. Respect can also be geared to supporting each other’s career. Without respect, it leaves room for jealousy towards the other person’s happiness.

5. Be yourself: People can put on a face to the outside world and another face when they are with someone else they love. I find that very confusing and intolerable. Nothing irks me more than to have someone say I need to put my hair up in a tight bun so I look more Spanish and wear shorter skirts. I’m not Spanish, I’m Brazilian and we Brazilians love to wear our hair long with loose curls draping down our backs. I refused to change for this one guy many, many years ago and decided to dump him as a result. If you are happy with how you look and feel, then your other half should accept you for it too-unless it can lead to health issues, then a little change is good. There is a wonderful feeling of freedom when someone accepts you just the way you are and vice versa. Loose curls and all.

I’m always curious to hear from married couples of how they found their significant other. Most of say they just “knew”. For my single ladies and guys, what things do you look for in a person? For my married subscribers, what things do you love about your soul mate?

In other news, I’ve been good. I’m watching “Monster Man” right now after seeing who won on the show “Face Off”. So far, this show looks pretty cool. I don’t watch horror films, but this is interesting in how they do some of the scenes. I’ve always loved how they make movie costumes too. I’m still prepping to find a good photographer locally who will do a headshot for me. Then I have to find the time and day to go into the studio in Philly to work on my voice over demos so I can start distributing them to agencies. More on that later. Until next time!

8 thoughts on “Is he “the one”?

  1. Let me get this straight …. This April will mark our 35th anniversary, plus add the two years we dated … and you’re expecting me to remember how I figured out she was the one? (FYI: I am laughing)

    Your list is good. I can emphasize “being yourself” enough. I imagine this is true for most people, but early in relationships people can shift to who they aren’t, and if that is the case, that could lead to misery and failure.

    Something uncommonly known: One of the main causes (if not the top) of divorce is money. The couple must have a common approach. We established ours early and have had very few disagreements about money in our marriage.

    1. Lol, well if you have forgotten, I’m sure there is random point in a day when she does something pretty amazing and you say, “THAT’S the reason why I fell in love with you and got married too!” People you love tend to do that when you forget the little things, they will just unexpectedly do something that will trigger a memory of why you fell in love with them in the first place. As for shifting early in relatioships, that’s why I like being friends first with people I date. They have a pretty good idea of how I am early on. I totally agree with the money issue! Great comment and thanks for stopping by! 😀

  2. Malou

    Great post! I agree with all the points you listed as they are all the reasons why the Mr. and me are still going strong after 15 years together. We came from 2 different cultures but we share the same values, we laugh a lot especially at ourselves, we put no pretense and we respect each other. Communication is also key so that the magic doesn’t disappear.

    We met on the beach of El Nido, many sunsets ago. The memory of that first meeting still makes us smile. 😉

    1. Meeting on the beach, that sounds incredibly romantic! I had a friend who proposed to his wife on the beach where he met her. They are still together and have 5 kids. Thank you for stopping by and leaving a wonderful comment!

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