Let’s say you’ve met the perfect person, the one you’ve been waiting for all your life…or so you think. How do you know if you should pursue the relationship farther? Here are some key questions to discuss with your significant other. I’ll answer with what I would say, if I were in a relationship (which I’m not, I’m very single). Let’s say I’m in an “ideal” relationship now (hypothetically), this is how I would answer. These questions are good and really do make you think if it’s a promising future with your loved one.
–What are you like when you are mad?
This is key in knowing if you are willing to live with someone who will have outbursts for the rest of your life. Are they cool and collected? Do they walk away and slam doors? Worse yet, do they get physical? Some of these questions remind me of when I would be with my clients and I’d discuss relationship problems with them. I now remember asking them these questions, but this was more of an assessment of a domestic violence situation or warning signs of abuse in a relationship. My last job consisted of Social Work duties with clients.
As for me, when I get angry, I suddenly clam up which is opposite of how I usually am, which is being outgoing. I clam up because I’m thinking over the ordeal. I’m processing what I want to say next. Then I speak and have my say. He would have to give me a few minutes to gather my thoughts. I never shout or yell. That’s just not me. I try to use the words, “It makes me feel…when you do that” instead of using “you” to start accusations because that just puts the other person in defense. It brings the attention to you instead.
-Do you understand each other’s love language?
This just means, do you guys know how each other wants to be shown love and are you comfortable with it? Let’s say your significant other is not the romantic type, but you are. Will you have misunderstandings with that? Will you want him to change? What if he shows you his love in other ways? Find out now, before it becomes a problem, that way you both understand how you show your love to each other and what to expect.
I for one am a very romantic person. I’d prefer someone I like or love to be romantic as well. Maybe the other person writes music or draws to show his love and affection, I need to know this so I can understand how he thinks and shows it. Some people cook to show their affection to the one they adore. I haven’t had anyone cook for me in a very long time, but when that day comes, I’m just going to melt like butter.
-What rules or guidelines do you live by?
People from all over the world believe in many different faiths and rules. Are you willing to live with someone with very opposite rules that you both live by? Or do you want someone with similar rules and faith?
As for me, I go by three rules that I strongly go by. Respect, love and being true to yourself. How can you possibly respect someone you truly care about if you don’t respect yourself first? Respect yourself enough to say, “You know what? I’m a good and decent person, I don’t deserve to be spoken to that way or treated that way by you.” A person without self respect would allow bad things to keep on happening to them. To love yourself is a biggie. Not to be mixed up with arrogance. To love yourself can also mean to nurture yourself when you feel down. Being true to yourself for me means to be who you are-simple. Don’t change for anyone else. If you have certain principles, stick and stand by them. I’d want someone with similar rules such as that that they follow.
-What things are you willing to give up for the other person?
Are you willing to have a long distance relationship? For how long? Are you willing to move to another State to be with someone? Do you want kids? What if they don’t want kids? What if they smoke and you can’t breathe because you have asthma? What if you hate dogs and they have 4 dogs? What if they have a crazy family? Are you willing to put up with them because you love your other half that much? What if they don’t want to get married for the next 10 years?
If someone said I had to give up blogging and stop interacting with my subscribers to spend more time with them, I wouldn’t do it. Blogging is fun and it makes me happy to share my thoughts. To take that away from me would be like ripping my right arm off. If they had a job that made them transfer to another State or country, yes, I would be willing to move in a heartbeat. Just to be near them, I would go to the moon if I had to. Ok, maybe not. I’d get bored up there.
-What happens when trust is broken?
That “T” word. Talk about what would or will happen if someone breaks it-trust. Are you the type who will end all if the other is caught cheating? Or are you the type who will try and work it out? Better to talk about it now then to find out later so that you’re on the same page.
Out of all my past relationships, I’ve only trusted two significant others, Brian and Andreas. Both of these guys had a natural way about them that made me trust them completely and we had no issues during our time together. They both were very open to their female and male friends about me and I never once felt threatened by another female. I had complete trust in them and they with me. Cheating to me is a deal breaker, of course. I don’t give second chances with that.
–What else other than love keeps you together?
Yes, having love being the glue that keeps you together is all great, but there is more to that special connection right? At the end of the day, are you both team players and lovers? Do you push each other to be the best that you can be? Are you also friends? Do you have similar life goals?
I’m very competitive and playful, so having someone in my life who has a streak of competitiveness and silliness would be a dream come true. I’m also an adventurer and explorer. Having someone with those traits would be great to have to add more “glue” to the relationship or marriage. Similar life goals & interests is a huge must have for me.
There are just some helpful questions to have answered if you are thinking of pursuing a life long commitment together. I’m not trying to be a psychologist here obviously, just some random late night thoughts of mine to these questions. Some food for thought so to speak.
Until next time my loves!