A drive up through a park

Hello my loves!

My niece in Brazil wanted to see photos of what I was doing yesterday as I told her we were out and about. I didn’t do much because it started to rain. I felt bad so instead I made her a short video of a previous drive we took up on June 8th to one of my favorite town parks. After she watched it, she said it was very beautiful! She rewarded me this morning of some new photos of her newborn daughter who is cute as a button! This park is literally in the middle of town, but it feels like you’re in the foothills of the mountains. On the left you can see the homes & buildings below the road. The park is wide, but there’s a very quick break in the road where you can see the homes & buildings on the right side of the road. After you park, there’s a little cement path that takes you to an open area where you can look down at the town. It’s so beautiful, but I didn’t record that that day because it was too hot. Oh and about that sudden stop to the video at the end, haha. I was playing around with my iphone video editing and I liked that white noise ending, but forgot to take it off when editing for my niece. Oh well! Might use it in the future for something else, but sorry about the sudden white noise ending! Lol…

Enjoy the video! Until next time!

xoxo

That view!

Hi guys!

So nice to see you all! A special hello to my new subscribers! I see you & want to welcome you with a great big hug! Stick around!

I got a new iphone about 3 weeks ago and I’m having fun playing with its features. I used to use the OG Movie Maker, remember that? But they don’t make it like they used to. So, I decided to get the app Adobe premiere and used it to edit my video. Here it is. It’s my first time using my new iphone to edit, so don’t laugh! I’m like a toddler with my editing skills on my iphone. It will get better, I promise. I wasn’t trying to be perfect in today’s video, I just wanted to shoot something and upload it. It took me a while to find the perfect song to go along with this vimeo video. In other news, wait until you see where I’ll be in November! It will blow your mind and my iphone will capture it all! It cost a pretty penny to get tickets, but it has been my dream to go to it for the past 2 years!

Take a ride with us as we ride around my favorite street, Peterson Road. Gosh, I love this road so much.

Maybe next time I’ll take you guys on a ride to one of my favorite parks. The views are amazing because the park is high above the town. Stay tuned.

I decided to add this photo of myself I took a few days ago to remind myself that even though some days can be frustrating (throw in some headaches & migraines), to know that it’s only temporary. I was really happy about something the day this photo was taken (can’t remember what since most of the time I’m happy lol), but today I felt a bit frustrated and stressed about a couple things. It’s been crazy windy here today and my eyes were suffering as a result. I’ll be back soon, hopefully with a park video! Take care.

Sorry! I didn’t know my video would be so big! Apologies for seeing my mug so huge! I don’t know how to make it smaller.

Messy hair, don’t care. 😉

That’s what she said

Credit: VideoClips

Hi guys!

First of all, I want to thank you all for stopping by my blog posts. I’m trying to write more these days. I’ve been dealing with anxiety, or that’s what I thought it was, for the past 2 years. I’ve never had it before and maybe it was anxiety with a sprinkle of panic attacks. However, with being able to walk more and healing from my knee surgery, I want to drive again. I’m sure I can drive just fine, but it’s my mind that is stopping me. Tai Chi, yoga and listening to frequency music has helped with my anxiety, but something was missing in order for me to feel confident again. Overall, I am very happy in my life (never been happier) and it has nothing to do with depression which I don’t have. My nurse suggested I speak with a therapist. I said, sure, that would be great! I spoke to my new therapist via telecom today and she was absolutely amazing! I loved her calming and soothing voice as well as her delightful personality. I told her about my near crash incidents and how I felt “traumatized” by it. I used the word traumatized in casual passing and not so much as a self diagnosis. I was talking a mile a minute to her about it. Afterwards, she calmly told me I was not demonstrating anxiety or even panic attack symptoms, but of a traumatized person just the way I was breathing and speaking to her. She has no idea what other trauma I’ve experienced my life. But with what she plans to teach me in dealing with trauma will help with my past as well & that’s a great thing. I was specifically asking her for help with gaining confidence in driving again. It’s great to finally have a diagnosis of what and how I’ve been feeling.

Trauma.

There. I said it.

I’ve been traumatized.

The streets I used to drive at are hilly and curvy. It was at those spots that I would almost have accidents or have the fear of getting into an accident. My right foot was so weak, it would slip off my brake pedal and I’d have to use my emergency break to stop as a result. Things like this happened when I had at least 4 clients in my car & the responsibility of putting their lives at risk, was too much for me. I loved my clients and would never want to see them get hurt on my behalf. This caused a great deal of stress to me knowing I could be a liability to my company. As a result I had to quit my job since it was a 90% driving job and working with adults with disabilities. Thankfully, I can return back if I want. I miss & love my clients, but I think those days are over. The job itself was stressful and I’m currently working on something online which I will showcase soon here on WordPress. Anywho. Come to find out the specific car I had been driving was recalled by Ford for brake issues! So when my son drives and I’m in the passenger seat, my heart starts beating fast as if I’m reliving that moment in the past where I didn’t know if I’d whiz past a red light or potentially hit the car in front of me. I’d get flashbacks. Just so you know, I have not been in an accident in many years and when I did, it was not my fault. Someone had hit my car from behind because they were text messaging leaving me with a very achy back and a rattled mind. Another time I got in an accident, I was literally not even moving! I was in a drive-through and someone rammed into me and took off! A hit and run at a drive-through! They quickly got out of their car, came to my window, asked if my son & I were ok (he was 5 years old at that time)… got back in their car and took off!

So my first assignment until next week is to practice breathing in for 3-5 seconds and breathing out for 3-5 seconds three times a day. We will be training my brain to get used to the deep breathing because she said my body and mind is fighting against it due to the “fight or flight” syndrome. The breathing exercises is retraining the body and mind to not think that when things trigger me. She says we will work on several steps until I can drive again and not be traumatized when I see those streets or traffic lights where I could’ve gone into incoming traffic in a busy highway.

So I’m breathing in….and breathing out. I felt much better after doing this simple exercise a few times after I hung up with her. I’m looking forward to dealing with my trauma with a professional. I love Tai Chi and other relaxing things I do, but it’s not the same as speaking to a professional who explains why you feel that way and how to deal with it. I’m so excited about life and its potential, but this is something that I’m happy to be doing to improve the quality of my mental health. People say, that happy people shouldn’t need therapy. But what most people don’t realize is that even the happiest of people still need help with other issues in their lives and there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking help for it.

Here’s to all those who want to level up in life and only want the best for themselves! Wooo! Until next time!

Hugs. xo

Hair nightmare & Snapchat being creepy

Hello everyone!

How are you? I am actually back on here. Sooner than I expected, but I wanted to jot down some things only because I found them somewhat amusing and wanted to immortalize it here in my digital journal. Last Friday I got my hair done, something I have not done at a salon in about 2.5 years or so. My highlights are quite expensive and I’ve had to be extra careful in how I’ve spent my money the past years. I’ve missed my highlights as I’ve always had them most of my life. Everything was going well as I caught up with my hairstylist. Since I had been absent, she has gotten a boyfriend, engaged, married and gave birth to a son who is now one years old. I wanted a balayage which is an ombre sort of hair color from the bottom up. After 4 hours sitting in the chair, she was done. Much to my dismay, I did not get what I had wanted. What happened to her magic? I wasn’t happy. I wanted highlights framing my face, which she did, but the color was very blond, almost platinum. Gasp! I wanted a softer, caramel looking highlights. The rest of my hair was so dark and I didn’t like the contrast, it was too much. Feeling defeated that I spent quite a large amount of money on my hair after years of not going, I left the salon. I later bought some hair color and hoped it would darken my highlights the next day. After coloring my hair, yes, I know-a major hair sin! But I was desperate! Nevertheless, I colored my hair (again) and took a shower. While in the shower, I noticed my ends looked grey! No, no, nooooo! This can’t be happening? How? Well, obviously the hair gods were furious at me and wanted to punish me for doing the absolute sin of recoloring after going to the salon. I dried my hair and to my shock, my highlights that were once platinum blond were now grey! The chemical mixture of the box hair dye didn’t mix well with my professional salon dyed hair. Which reminds me of this scene of Anne of Green Gables when she tried to color her hair black and it came out green! Haha! Ugh, the struggles! I feel ya pain girl! Can I just remind everyone that I am obsessed with Anne of Green Gables?

Credit: Finfy

The last time my hair was grey looking was when I had to put baby powder in my hair for a play in Brazil to play an old lady and I was in High School! I was not going to succumb to just walking around in society with grey highlights! Grey balayage is just too weird. I turned to YouTube, of all place, to see how I could fix this travesty. Turns out I just needed 2 items to get back my highlights. All I needed were several lemons and a little bit of conditioner; mix those babies up and vavoom, you’ve got the magic potion. I watched 2 videos of girls who experienced the same hair perils I was going through. I was pleasantly pleased to see that they reversed their grey toned hair. My son curiously stared at my grey highlights and said, “It….doesn’t look that bad!” I appreciated his sweet words, but I knew deep down, he was horrified.

This afternoon, I squeezed a bag of lemons as I prepared to reverse the grey highlights. What started with me daintily putting the mixture on a comb and putting it on my hair gingerly and carefully, ended up with me 5 minutes later dumping the rest of the mixture on my hair and massaging my head. Patience much? I got all my ends saturated and especially my frames. This was a battle of reversing the evil grey tones of my hair. After a few minutes, I saw the blond come back and the grey gone! It’s a miracle! Thank you lemons, my little yellow super heroes.

Highlights are rockin’ again and everything is good in paradise as per photo below.

Things are going well. I have 3 major goals to be completed by June or July. I think having goals in life is good, but also short term goals are good too. I feel like I am enjoying this time in life after several years of having hard times. I pause and thank God for allowing me get through it. I’ve never been happier! The will to be the best I can be, to pursue my dreams and to stay focus has been my main priority. I continue to work very hard in doing my physical therapy. Some days I feel like a slug and don’t want to, but then I remember how far I’ve come. For a while, I thought I would never completely recover. Then some days I realize I have improved, they are just little subtle improvements that show themselves, but it is up to me to see it. I just get so excited about my future & want to go out there and conquer the world; I get squirly about it. Slow & steady. Everything happens when it’s supposed to.

Brown eyes. No grey contact lenses today.

I was playing around with my Snapchat when it suddenly decided to turn creepy on me. I’m not sure if this has happened to anyone else, but listen to this. I was trying different filters on my phone. I had not pushed the record button when suddenly I was no longer in control of my camera! Maybe it was a glitch? My hand was holding my phone steady and not moving. My camera was facing me, but what was being shown on my phone was the ceiling and it was moving. It only happened for 5 seconds, but it looked like my camera was looking around my room on my phone. Maybe it was a glitch and my Snapchat recorded my movements earlier and was just showing it on my phone. Nevertheless, it was strange and creepy. I quickly closed the app and felt it. It was hot. That’s enough, you hot phone! You need to cool off!

When you think you’re having a bad day, remember there are others who are having worse days. It brings it all into perspective. Be gentle to yourself. Love yourself. We all have a purpose, even if it’s just to make a stranger smile. Until next time which will be soon. I promise.

Much love xoxo

Life update

Hi guys!

How is everyone doing? I hope everyone is doing well and hanging in there. I know it’s tough, I truly do. Sometimes I feel like I am talking to an empty auditorium, but when I go and see on my stats that people still swing by to see if I’ve written or have read my posts, I feel all good & fuzzy. Those feels, ya know? It can bring a blogger back to write again. So that’s what I’m doing right now regardless of who is in here. First and foremost, allow me to deeply apologize for being MIA for most of last year. As you may know, I had a knee surgery back in June of 2020. I had a minor fracture on my femur during the operation and it put me back 6 weeks in wearing a leg brace and a walker. Yes, I felt like a 98 year old woman walking around with a walker, but I loved the fuss I got as a result. I would get these looks of “Aww, poor girl all disabled and stuff” or “Why is she using a walker, she doesn’t look old” to the outright outburst of “What happened to you?!” I got a lot of “medical ageism or medical stereotype” statements directed at me like, “You’re too young to have a total knee replacement!” Often I’d have to defend myself stating that I had bad arthritis and it wasn’t my fault. Things happen. I just happened to draw the card in life of having bad arthritis in my knee. What can I do? I had to make do of it and take care of my condition. Do babies ask for childhood cancers? No. Do they deserve it? Of course not! Did I ask for my spinal cord to be squished by my back bone and therefore need an emergency surgery in May of 2019? No. Things happen and I feel like people think you need to be a certain age to experience “old people” things. Having a physical therapist assistant tell me, “Oh, I thought by now you would’ve been able to do that (a certain exercise)” and expecting me to fit the mold and comparing me to what other people with knee replacements go through in their success stories. My surgeon said it would take about 18 months until I would feel like myself. It’s been 8 months and I am still going to physical therapy. I am improving! Those are just some of the negative things I’ve experienced other than the loneliness and isolation I have felt since January of 2019. I’ve learned you can’t rely on people for feeling good in lonely times. You must truly love being by yourself and make yourself happy. People will let you down. But in saying that, it doesn’t mean to stop checking up on other people and making sure they are ok. I’m not one to beg people to check up on me. I’ve discovered which friends are real and which ones have been fake from the beginning. It’s ok because I now just invest on those friendships that are genuine and it’s quite lovely. I’m sorry for ranting!

The beautiful thing about isolating and feeling lonely is that you are more in your head than usual. You get a clarity about life and future goals. I start thinking of where I’d like to be once things appear to be normal in society. But what will be normal? I think the world will open back up and we will see people doing things we used to see. However, there has been a sense of emotional trauma we have all experienced that we will be bringing into the “new normal”. Side eyeing someone when they cough or sneeze. That used to be normal, right? All you said was bless you and you went on with life. Now, when someone coughs or sneezes innocently (even due to allergies like myself), people will most likely step away and act like you have some crazy disease. There’s a lot of arguments of wearing masks and not wearing masks. I don’t want to get into it, but I wanted to show this cute mask from Snapchat which is much cuter than the blue mask I usually wear. Ugh. My hair is so 2020. Time to add highlights again!

So going to physical therapy has been beneficial and I am gaining strength on my operated leg. I still use a cane, but am lifting it up every 5 steps to get used to not using it when outside. Inside my home, I force myself to walk around as best as I can without a cane and it’s been helping. I went back to my original physical therapist in October of last year and it’s been going well. I like that my physical therapist believes in me. I don’t give myself enough credit when it comes to some things. My last appointment, he observed me walking with my cane and said I should try holding a 10 lb kettlebell on my left hand and walk one small lap. I did it. He walked beside me to make sure he could catch me if I fell, but I didn’t fall. I thought to myself, “Omg! I’m walking without a cane carrying a 10 lb weight…what is this wizardry?” Even I was surprised at how easy it was and it felt comfortable. Today I was a bit sore from yesterday so walking a few laps made me a tiny bit shaky. Having a determined spirit, I will begin walking carrying a 10 grocery bag in my home to practice. Technically, my surgeon does not want me to lift anything 20 lbs or heavier. He doesn’t want me to hop either! I was joking around with my surgeon and asked if I could hop (I was trying to ease into asking if I could do jumping jacks once I am all healed for exercise) and he said absolutely not! There goes my dreams of being a hip hop dancer! I do love dancing and I will consider watching my Tahiti dance training videos instead, hmm! I’ve accepted that my healing process is my own unique journey. When I see older people in their 80’s walking around after knee surgery at my physical therapy place, I only am happy for them. I am not jealous or anything like that, but just truly happy for them. I’m sure they have lovely grandchildren they want to do activities with as they should!

As a girl who grew up in the Amazon who began to learn early on to appreciate my “home” where ever I was at the moment, little did I know I’d grow up with the mentality of being a free spirit. This way of growing up helped me to adapt to places much easier and made me begin my sense of adventure. I’ve moved 18 times so far and traveled to 13 countries (or is it 14?). I’ve loved it. The downside of this, my friends can attest to this too because they have felt the same way, is that you get that 5-7 year itch to move again because you’re so used to moving! Putting down roots somewhere and buying a forever house? Crazy! When I moved with my son in NJ, it was so he could go to a better school or the rent was more appealing in a safer neighborhood. It was mostly to improve life and not so much about my own happiness. I mean, I was happier as a result, but it was not my dream home or place. It’s funny how one’s dreams in your 20’s or even 30’s are mostly for where your job takes your or where you want to get a job. At least it was for me. I don’t think I really sat down and asked myself if I moved if it would be somewhere I could be totally committed to. One of my biggest fears in life was to be bored of where I eventually would settle down. There’s so many gorgeous places I’ve wanted to live at like Lake Como, for example. Being analytical about things in life, I weighed the pros and cons of moving there. Something just didn’t feel right. I think I was almost forcing myself to be excited about it. Lake Como is gorgeous (from the California side) and it offers views of the mountains and lots of outdoor activities. The idea of moving there eventually died somewhere in the halls of other places that I once dreamt about living at. Settling down doesn’t sound so scary anymore. Neither does maybe finding “the one” either as in the person. I’m pretty open to that. Trying to manifest the man of my dreams. I hope he finds me. So come on baby, wherever you are! Wink! I feel like I am at the stage of life where I can finally breathe and think it’s time. No more reindeer games of hopping all over the place. It’s fun while it lasts, but eventually finding a place you can call your home and where you can wake up every single morning and be glad you are where you are…that is a fabulous feeling to have.

Credit: dloudermilk

I realized finding “the place” must be like finding “the one”. Once you know, you know. And like they say about finding love when you least expect it or not even looking for love, it happens. That’s what happened to me. I found “the place”.

So last week on a normal day of googling something, I was looking at homes because of something else. It was in a State I told myself I would never, EVER move to. No way! I was gobsmacked at the homes I saw and everything the city and suburbs offered. I literally had a Big Fish moment! I couldn’t get over how beautiful and big the homes were and this State has palm trees in it! I thought this city would be boring, dry and deserted, but the city I like is full of lush trees, incredible parks and lakes. I checked out what this particular city offered and it offered everything I could dream of. It was like something clicked in my mind and I thought to myself, “Yes, this is the place!” THIS is the place I want to grow old at. I can see myself happy here for a long time. It’s got a bit of Philadelphia in it, some suburbs remind me of the nice neighborhoods of New Jersey, the weather is nice and sunny…people are nice and the fashion, omg!” Where is this place? Texas baby! I know, I know. Texas just experienced a freak snowstorm and blackouts, but when you find “the place” nothing will stop you. I know things will get better in Texas even though they struggled this past week. Texans are strong people and resilient. I want to buy a home there, but only after renting there for a small amount of time. I’m not saying which city just yet, but believe me, it’s a fun city with so many things that will keep me happy for many years. I don’t know anyone there, but that’s fine. I’m very used to moving and not knowing people. That’s the fun part of starting a new chapter in your life, no? I’ve looked at organizations I can volunteer at and I found one that is unbelievable. I miss working with people and this particular organization is perfect for me. When will I move there? I’d like to say within 2 years or sooner. I’m going by my healing and how mobile I am. My son is gradually warming up to the idea. I did say he can stay in Colorado with his friends if he wants, but he will always have an extra room if he wants to move in with me. I’m crazy about my son, so I’m hoping he’ll move with me too. So far, he likes that there isn’t an income tax in Texas. So that is my life update thus far. I can write more, but I’ve rambled on too long. I’ll try not to be away as much now that I have gained a sense of stability for once in my life. So right now, with this new sense of a permanent life time goal, I feel happy. I’m looking at places to rent down there and comparing prices. I like to plan way ahead so I don’t get stressed doing things last minute. I haven’t felt this excited about the future in probably decades.

Things do get better.

Lots of love. Until next time.

xx

Merry Christmas!

Hey everyone!

Hope you all are doing alright & hanging in there. Just wanted to pop in quickly & show our ornaments on our new white tree. Each one signifies something important that happened that year for my son & I. I only showed half of the ornaments as not to make the video too long. The blue, red & gold ball ornaments are just decorations, but I am obsessed with them if you couldn’t tell. The wolf signifies the year we visited a wolf sanctuary. The astronaut was the year we visited the space museum in Florida. The sweet black angel was the year I taught drama to 4th grade girls in the inner city of Camden; they also sang a song. I played the flute during my 4th grade year in school in a band so I got the paper ornament of the musical notes. Someone laughed at my crazy looking bunny ornament that I posted a picture of once, so it’s not shown this year even though the funny looking bunny is hanging on the tree at the moment. Yes, I got a bit salty as a result. He will make a glorious return next year on video so everyone can see what my mom gave me when I was 5 yrs old. I love the handmade ornaments my son made when he was just a wee little bundle of joy as a 3 & 5 yr old. He’s 19 now and still very much adorable. He got his ornament this year that summed up the crazy year of 2020; I didn’t show it. Maybe next year. Anyway, have a great day & I’ll catch you later!

What is happening?!

Hi guys!

It’s been a hot minute since I’ve last wrote on here. I haven’t had the time to sit down and compose a well thought out blog. Surgery for my knee is set for next month if all things fall into place and everything looks good. I’m both excited and nervous, but trying my best to not get further stressed with the coronavirus or should I say covid-19?

So, we are all being told to stay indoors to stop the spread of the virus. You would THINK after all the virus, zombie, monsters & alien invasion movies we all love (hello “Independence Day & War of the Worlds” two of my favorites) that we’d be prepared for such global catastrophic events, but we’re not. Instead we see people going out buying toilet paper and hoarding them. Why? This isn’t a diarrhea type of disease. Doesn’t make sense. I’ve been sitting here analyzing society as a whole and how we deal with things. This is new and something we haven’t experienced at this level. Thankfully, we have technology that allows us to communicate instantly. Imagine how people in towns 30 or 40 years ago would be able to deal with this? People in the past were just as panicked as we are today in the year 2020. Can you imagine someone from this year talking to someone in NYC in the year 1832 when cholera brought the city to a standstill? Same panic albeit we have technology now, which has pros and cons about it. What have we learned? Have we improved our way of dealings with this? I’m not taking this subject lightly as I have asthma and am concerned as I want to be healthy for my surgery. However, the more I think about situations that run around in my head that haven’t happened or will probably never happen, I have learned to control those thoughts. This crisis is not just a physical situation, but also an emotional, mental and financial state of affairs for everyone. I feel like we’ll be going through another phase of panic of financial sorts when people can’t buy food due to not being able to work. Hopefully we won’t reach that point where it will become complete lawlessness.

I like to self motivate myself when I get stressed and I found this lovely video a few days ago. It deals with depression (I don’t have depression) and anxiety. I hope you find it useful! I know I definitely benefited from the counting backwards from 5 for anxiety. It worked for me and will continue to use it.

Credit: Motivation2Study

On a positive note, I have seen compassion and humanity though the mess of greediness and selfishness of society. I love hearing stories of people helping others. Like my favorite quote says, “Where there is life, there is hope“.

Credit: GuardianNews

We do need to find humor though! We need to laugh, we need to smile.

I’ll be jumping back on WordPress soon. I don’t know when, hopefully when everything has settled down and post surgery. Thank you to my readers and stay strong! A huge welcome to my newest subscribers! Where ever you are, be safe and take care of yourself!

Much love. xoxo

What kind of person are you attracting?

Hey everyone!

How’s everyone been? So yesterday I was going through my feed on YouTube of recommended videos and I came across something that really opened my eyes.

I usually don’t watch dating videos, but I thought, why not?

I was pleasantly surprised of what I discovered! It now all makes sense why certain past relationships ended badly and others ended amicably. You will discover that there are woundmates & soulmates that you will encounter in life. I must admit, after watching this video, I was a woundmate. I also had relationships with guys who were woundmates as well, which now makes total sense of why it was just drama with them. My last real relationship was 5 years ago, that’s when we broke up on May 2014. We had a 5 year long distance relationship. He was a woundmate and I was in the process of becoming my own soulmate.

I’m now my own soulmate and I now completely understand the differences of wanting to be with someone and the need to be with someone. Once you feel whole within yourself, it becomes easier to choose others who are whole themselves and avoid a disastrous relationship. The older you get, you just want to be happy with yourself, your partner and in general. You don’t want to deal with drama. Relationships aren’t perfect, but this does give a clearer understanding of how to identify a woundmate and why things are going the way they are in your relationship or marriage.

This also will make it quite clear why your partner and yourself are having the easiest relationship you’ve ever had and why the communication is better than you’ve had with anyone else. Congratulations, you’ve met another soulmate.

Here I am summarizing what I learned from the video.

Here is the video explaining in detail the difference between a woundmate & a soulmate.

Credit: Mark Rosenfeld